Wisdom

"If you're going to feed them, I always tell people to neuter them. That goes for cats and boyfriends."

- Haha!

Working or working out?

I had plans to get around this afternoon. I was going to get some turkey leftovers, then head to the gym.

The fact that my car was stuck in an ice tomb made me change plans. No, I did not want to leave the house today. When I decided that, I rolled over, bopped my snoring dog to make her shut up, then went back to sleep.

I felt guilty about not working out, but oh well. I got caught up on laundry instead.

One day, when I make it big, I will have main floor laundry. For now, I have to settle with doing laundry in my basement, in the opposite corner of my upstairs living area.

According to my FitBit, I walked three miles today, without leaving my house.

Three miles of laundry, people! And I still have a couple of loads left.

One day, I'll have main floor laundry.

One day.

Hello. It's me.

Being a woman is hard, and sometimes painful.

This morning, as I was curling my hair, I decided to stab myself in the face with my curling iron.

I now have an awesome red mark on my cheek.

Ah, bummer dudes.

I promise I have a college degree, but it's not in hand-eye coordination. 

Pretty

Hi, Kansas City.

I'm a few days late in posting this. I didn't post it while in Kansas City because at night, after my working day was done, I was too busy.

I watched Chopped and Fixer Upper in my pajamas. I slept in a divine bed that wasn't Puggy, walked on floors that were even and lived in semi-luxury.

Back to reality, now.

Quote of the Week

"If Bruce Jenner can turn into a girl, then I figure a Cabbage Patch doll can, too."

Creepy crawlies and walls.

A year ago, I couldn't stand spiders.

I would scream and make someone else kill them if I saw one.

Being a homeowner changes things, though. I still don't like spiders, but I don't usually scream when I see them. I sometimes kill them with my bare hands.

Just call me Chuck Norris.

Last week, I saw an especially creepy spider in my house. I was bending over in my bathroom closet, trying to get some shoes out of the dark closet corner.

I saw something.

Ew! Naturally, as I was surrounded by shoes in the closet, I started throwing shoes at it. Here's an important fact: The light was not on in the closet.

So I'm standing there, or rather squatting there, trying to kill this spider with random shoes. My Pugs are kind of scared of the noise, and they don't want anything to do with me.

The stupid spider wouldn't die!

I finally stood up and turned the light on in the closet.

My "spider" was an imperfection in the wall. A stain, maybe old wallpaper, who knows. But it was definitely not a spider.

Let me tell you how stupid I feel for throwing shoes at a wall for a few minutes.

Oh well.

Put yer phones away (and get off my lawn)

A couple months ago, I called my mom one morning. Tickets were going on sale for a concert in town, and I wanted to know if her and my dad wanted to go with me.

The two country acts that played were pretty big. A week ago, they were at the CMAs. Which, you know, is cool and all, but I'm still trying to forget one of the performances.

Cringe. Thomas Rhett with Fall Out Boy?

Really? Did someone actually think that was a good idea?

Anyway, I was willing to forgive him for that one.

So, last night I rocked a concert with my parents. I was in charge of getting the tickets. I had kind of a hard time selecting three seats together, because a certain place you buy tickets online doesn't want one lone seat left in the middle of a row.

(That's a nice way of saying I don't have a plus one. Thanks for reminding me, TicketMaster.)

So, after trying to buy tickets a few times, I decided what the hell, I'll just buy pit tickets. No seats! No problem!

This is my preferred way to attend concerts. You move around, you can touch the artists if you really want (I don't want anybody touching me, thankyouverymuch), and you get stuff like guitar picks thrown at you.

So, I was pretty happy last night. The music was great, the artists were great, and I had a fun time.

Looking around the pit shortly before the opening act started, I noticed something.

The crowd was pretty young, and their faces were glued to their phones. The singer would be two feet away from them, walking on a platform that jetted into the audience, and girls would be taking selfies.

One woman (not young) actually turned her back to the artist, trying to get a selfie with him in the background.

Dude! Don't treat Brett Eldredge like that! He wants to see your face singing along, not the back of your head.

I feel like the old lady in a bathrobe, yelling at the neighborhood kids.

Get off my lawn!

Okay, I'll be honest. I pulled out my phone a few times for photos. Then, much like my policy on phones and weddings, I put my phone away.

Also, where did all the hipsters come from in my hometown?

I'm borderline too old for this.

One step at a time.

When you've been in a cage your whole life, there are things you don't know how to do.

Stairs, for instance, are completely foreign to my new little adorable dog.

Doors are apparently a new thing, too.

This morning, I was getting ready for work and taking a long time to tell my Pugs goodbye. Raven, my new little girl, meant to go in my bedroom, to her dog bed to take a nap.

Instead, she walked into a door.

Ha, ha. It's hard to have a bad day when you just watched your little dog walk into a door.

:)

We also went on a walk last night, which was her first time on a leash. Okay, I use the word "walk" lightly. We walked from my parking spot, to a building and back.

And then the Pugs got dumped at Grandma's house while I worked out (yea elliptical!).

Pugs.

Words, man.

As I've said before, I love Humans of New York.

I love it, in part, because I love words. Words are powerful. They can make you feel better, or they can make you feel worse. 

They can be true, or untrue.

They can be meaningful, or pointless.

They can be easily forgotten or remembered forever.

They can also be beautiful. Like this: "The coincidences still seem meaningful to me, but now they just seem to mean that we were meant to collide."

And this: "I hope this story has a happy ending, even if it has bumps in the road. I could really use that right now."

Words, man.

(Can't we all use a happy ending right now?)

Another good comment:  "An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break. May you be open to each thread that comes into your life - the golden ones and the coarse ones - and may you weave them into a brilliant and beautiful life." 
-An ancient Chinese belief

And another: "'That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano...' Yeah...I've lived that life too! Collision is the perfect word to sum it up. I hope this woman has moved into the recovery phase of the healing process that these collisions create."

Sunday

My nieces know my dog, Penny, pretty well. They've been around Penny their whole life, and they like to make sure she doesn't go hungry.

On Halloween, the Pugs and I were at my mom and dad's house. I guess now is a good time to introduce my newest Pig, Miss Raven.

This cute little girl is a puppy mill survivor. She's three, and I picked her up last weekend.

Anyway, I was curious to see what my nieces' reactions would be to her.

Raven the Pug was sitting beside me on the couch. Penny the Pug was sitting on the floor.

I asked my nieces, who are almost 2, where Penny was.

One twin looked at Penny, then looked at Raven, then looked back at Penny.

She was totally confused. It was the best 10 seconds of my day.