Lost!

We finished watching Lost last night.

I could say more about the ending, and how many things I didn't see coming, but I won't.

Here are some more quotes:

"What makes you think letting go is so easy?"
"It's not. I don't even know how to do it myself."

"I can help you. I wished you believed me."

"I love you in different ways."

"It was always supposed to be you. I see that now."

"Maybe this is happening for a reason. Maybe you're supposed to fix me."

"We're all flawed."

"I want you to have the one thing I was never given - a choice."

"Aren't you afraid?"
"What's the point of being afraid?"

"We're the ones who can't move on."

"I'm supposed to trust you."
"It's a good idea you do, because I have no idea where we're going."

"Maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm supposed to let go."

"There's a difference between doing nothing and waiting."

"I don't know what I felt."
"Yes you do. You felt love."

"Whatever you think you're looking for you need to stop looking for it."

"It doesn't seem like a choice."

"There's always a choice."

"You're not the only one who's lost someone."

A few more quotes.

We're on Season 6 of Lost. I'm going to be sad when this is over.

Here are some more Lost quotes for you.

"I hope you find what you're looking for."

"I came back here because I was broken. I was stupid enough to think this place could fix me."

"I didn't tell you I was coming here because I didn't want you to see me fail."

"In my eyes you can never fail."

"I'm not the one that needs to be rescued."

"Shouldn't we be encouraging the ones with ambition?"

"I know you've given up but I refuse to."

"Nothing's irreversible."

"I got past the denial and went back to living the life I used to."

"What I am is lost."

"I don't want to spend my life waiting for a miracle to happen."

"Miracles do happen."

Riddle.

Riddle: Why am I wearing long sleeves in July?

Answer: I'm trying to hide gnarly looking bruises on my arm.

No, I didn't get in a fight or lose a bet. What did I do to deserve bruises and pain?

I tried to give blood yesterday. The word 'tried' is important in that sentence because I didn't really succeed.

I'm still scratching my head at how I failed at trying to do something positive. I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's start from the beginning.

I worked out like a boss on Wednesday night. I sweated my little heart out at the gym and felt pretty fantastic afterward. Then on Thursday morning, I read in the paper about a blood drive that was going on right by my casa.

I figured I'd stop on my lunch break and try to do something good. Why not?

After about an hour of filling out forms and telling numerous people that I probably don't have Malaria, I hopped up on a table, thinking that I would only be there a few minutes.

The nurse came over and poked around on my arm with her fingers.

Then she poked some more.

Do you drink a lot of water during the day?

Why yes, I do, I told her. I mostly stopped drinking caffeine and I chug water all day every day.

Next question she wanted to know: Do you sweat a lot?

I thought for a minute. No, not really.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure, but I did work out the night before.

The nurse told me apparently I sweated all the water out of my body and she couldn't find a vein. Then she found it, then it was small, then she lost it, then she found it again.

A pinch and a poke later, I chilled out and thought about other things. I figured it'd only be a few minutes.

The nurse came over again, told me that my vein moved and there was no blood coming out.

Um, what? I was sitting still and I swear I didn't move an inch.

After more poking and prodding, she asked me how I was squeezing the stress ball. I showed her, then she got mad at me for using my arm and my fingers (apparently you're supposed to use only your fingers).

At this point, she gave up, took the needle out of my arm, showed me a blood clot (I have no idea if that's good or bad) and told me to hold a bandage up against my arm.

You're going to have a pretty good bruise, she said.

It didn't really hurt, so I just ignored that comment.

I've gave blood in college frequently because I knew someone whose life depended on it. I never bruised or had any complications, so I brushed off what the nurse told me. Psh, what does she know anyway?

A day later, let's just say that she was right. That bruise is pretty gross looking, hence the long-sleeved shirt in July.

Oh well. I can laugh at the fact that I tried to do something good and failed. Also, I tried to do something good and in return, it feels like someone just shot me in the arm.

Ha, ha.

I signed up to give blood one more time. If it doesn't go well next time, I might have to retire from this for good.

This was a lot easier to do 10 years ago.

Also, although I failed, it was a good excuse to eat a candy bar and not work out for a day.

(Editor's note: I wrote this two days ago. The bruise has only gotten worse since then, and is kind of swollen. I'm so talented, I screw up royally without even realizing it...)

Healthy!

I would describe my personality as somewhat pessimistic. In whatever situation I'm in, I always assume the worst possible thing.

I'm sometimes an awesome person to be around. (Sarcasm.)

I had some lingering questions regarding my health that have been bugging me recently. I just assumed the worst and put off making a doctor's appointment. 

But you know, sometimes life involves doing things you don't want to do. After my doctor came in the room, she told me several times that I've lost a "significant" amount of weight and that my blood pressure was much better.

Other than some allergy issues, there's nothing wrong with me.

Look at me, being all healthy and stuff!

There was not an ounce of negativity during the appointment. Just, you're doing good with everything and keep up the great work.

Look at me, being an adult and fixing my problems!

This is a big deal. I could try to explain it to everyone, but I'm not sure I can get across how important this is to me. 

I went to this same doctor's office right after I moved back to my hometown in 2011. As in, I quit my job, moved back to my hometown without a job, then went to a doctor who said hey, you've got some issues!

You could say that I was a little stressed out about life and there were several things about me that were not healthy.

But the cool thing about life? You can fix the stuff you've broken along the way.

My New Year's resolution this year was to be healthy. That resolution was kind of broken when I landed in a doctor's office on Jan. 5 with bronchitis, but I figured it was a good goal to work to. 

I'm getting to the point where I almost have no lingering health problems.

Smile!

Where would I be without my books?

Picture this: A recent college graduate is finally living in her first grown up apartment.

It's late, dark outside, and the town is currently in a pretty severe thunderstorm. Thunder cracks in the distance, lightning dances in the sky, and rain is pouring down.

The book I was reading at the time was one of Dan Brown's books. I can't tell you which one, because they're all amazing and I've enjoyed them all.

Anyway, there's a scene in the book where the main character (Oh, Robert Langdon, I miss you) is getting chased around a huge dark room by a bad guy.

There's a cell phone, of course, that goes off, so Robert chucks it across the room so the bad guy can't come after the light of the phone.

It's a stressful scene involving someone wanting to kill my beloved Robert Langdon.

Can you imagine how scary that would be? To be in a huge room with no lights, tippy-toeing your way around, trying not to breathe too loud because if you do, you'd die?

While reading that scene, a higher power decided to mess with me that night and my apartment lost electricity.

That's right, I was reading about an attempted murder happening in the dark while the lights went off in my apartment.

I can count the number of times I've truly been scared in my life on one hand, and that was one of them.

I'm telling you this because I can across a list on Buzzfeed appropriately titled "29 Reasons Reading Will Ruin Your Life."

It's funny. And kind of true.

No. 13: When you read a monumental moment in a book (death scene, break up, ect) and you're freaking out but NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.

My power going out story is one of my favorite stories to tell, but I don't think anyone can really relate to how scary it was.

I thought I was a goner.

Ha, ha.

No. 27: When people have the nerve to say that movies are better?  You're not just wrong, you're stupid.

Link from Buzzfeed: 29 Reasons Reading Will Ruin Your Life

Incentives

I'm going to start giving myself incentives. 

For every mile I work out, I'm going to put a penny into a jar. In a month's time, if I have 100 pennies, I'm going to give myself $100 to spend on something that's totally useless.

It started yesterday. I put two pennies into a jar. My normal workout routine is three miles on a combination of the elliptical, ski machine and treadmill a few times a week.

But, people? That's not going to get me 100 miles in a month. I need to up the ante here.

I've thought about morning workout or walks. The keyword there is thought, because I'm most definitely not a morning person. 

Hm. 

Maybe instead of blowing $100 on stupid stuff every month, I'll wait a few months and finally buy a new TV.

The one I'm looking at is only $400. 

I guess I'm getting ready to make a promise to myself on my blog. By the end of November, I will have exercised 400 miles.

And then I'll buy myself a new TV and stop hitting the one that I currently have to try to get it to work.

Two miles down, 398 to go. 

What if you were blessed?

Season 5 of Lost was my favorite season so far. We'll see what the next and last season holds.

Until then, here are some more quotes.

There's something different about you."
"I have a purpose now."

"I'm not afraid of anything you can do."

"This is our destiny."

"Everyone answers to someone."

"What's done is done."

"I know you don't believe in me but I need them to."

"Are you sure I'm the one who doesn't believe in you?"

"Never in my life have I felt so right."

"What if you weren't cursed? What if you were blessed?"

"I'm tired of waiting."

Destiny beans.

Here are some more quotes from Lost.

A funny note about the name of this blog: On my phone I meant to type "destiny means." Instead, I typed "destiny beans."

Well, hey, one little letter can totally change the meaning of something.

Ha, ha. Okay, maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, here are some quotes:

"It's one thing to believe it. It's another thing to see it."

"I've found that sometimes friends are more dangerous than enemies."

"As long as the dead guy says everything's going to be okay, I guess everything's just peachy."

"I cannot fight the inevitable."

"It's not a train. It doesn't run on a schedule."

"How is it that you know where you're going?"
"I just know."

"You don't like this do you? Asking questions and blindly following people."

"I appreciate you showing me the way but I think I can take it from here."

"It is pain and you have to let it out."

"Your gift is your mind."

"Destiny means you have a gift that must be nurtured."

"More importantly, it will heal you, your mind and your memory."

"Will it make you proud of me?"
"Yes."
"Then I'll do it."

"What does luck have anything to do with it?"

"We have to stop being so naive."

"We think, we reason, we have free will. We can change our destiny."

"For the first time in a long time, I don't know what's going to happen."

"I promised you I'd never leave you."

Sigh of relief.

I took a nap on Saturday night.

When I woke up, I thought about paying my bills. My next and last car payment isn't due for another few weeks, but I wondered why I hadn't just paid it off already.

What the heck, I thought. I might as well pay that sucker off.

I've been dreaming of this day since I bought my car a few years ago. It was a lot of money to me back then. It was more than my previous car payment. That, combined with student loan payments and paying rent... Well, let's just say that there were times I couldn't go to Sonic during happy hour the day before payday and use my debit card.

It was that bad for the first year or two out of college.

Anyway, the payment on my new car was quite a bit higher than on my old one. I wondered if I could afford it. When I went into the car place to talk about the paperwork, I used my own credit to but it and didn't need a co-signer.

What a grown up!

Paying it off was strangely anti-climatic. I woke up, paid it off, then struggled to stay awake until 10 p.m. on a Saturday night.

Welcome to adult life, I guess.

Quotable

The stupid thing about watching season 5 of Lost? I realized last night that everything that happens happens because it's supposed to.

I would explain that to you fully, but I'm not sure I understand everything I watched last night.

LOST! You're messing with me.

Some more quotes:

"I guess it didn't work out that way."

"I don't like the new you, you just sit around and wait for things to happen."

"That's not how it works. I can't change it."

"How did you find me?"

"I looked."

Someone dies...even if they don't.

Season 5 of Lost is kind of amazing.

I posted the graphic below a while back. I never really understood the line, "Someone dies...even if they don't" until now.

Oh, Lost. You're messing with my mind!

Here are some quotes:

"I needed that pain to get to where I am."

"It's what I've been searching for my whole life."

"Stop asking yourself if it's ridiculous. Start asking yourself if it's going to work. That's why it's called a leap of faith."

"We're all convinced sooner or later."

"This is even crazier than you are."

"It beats what you're doing, waiting for something to happen."

"It's called sacrifice."

"What makes you think I'm so special?"
"Because you are."

"He'll protect you from whomever intends to do you harm."

"It's a good thing they're just dreams."

"I help people get to where they need to get to."

"It was all because you never loved anybody."

"You say that as if it's inevitable."

"Is it inevitable, or is it a choice?"

"It's not fate, it's probability."

"We left and we were never important."

"You have no idea how important you are. You have to help me."

"You can't die. You've got too much work to do."

Look for it.

One of my favorite things about photography is that you don't always have to know what you're doing.

This weekend I took up the task of taking photos of a race in my hometown. I'm not crazy enough to be on the racetrack, people (seriously, do those photographers have a death wish?). I settled for taking photos in the pits and from a few areas in the stand instead.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I would describe myself as a pretty good photographer. I got my first camera in second grade, and I've had one ever since.

One of my favorite tricks in photography is to cheat. I tried for years to take photos of windmills at sunset, but it never really worked out.

Capturing motion with the sun going down is hard, after all.

My favorite photo I've ever taken of wind mills was taken with a cheap point-and-shoot camera. It was December in western Kansas six years ago. And, I cheated.

What was the cheating part, you ask? The wind farm I was taking photos of was still under construction, and those long blades that are tricky to photograph moving were not moving.

Ha! I showed that wind farm who's boss that day.

I think there's a perception that you have to go exotic places to take good photos. I learned growing up that that isn't true. There's beauty everywhere, you just have to look for it.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. So Saturday night I knew I was going to take photos of cars going something like 90 mph at night.

To be honest, I didn't have high hopes. That's a lot to expect out of me. Like I said above, capturing motion with lights is hard enough, but to add total darkness into the equation?

Yikes. What a challenge.

I had an idea of what I was doing, so I wasn't completely clueless. Once the main race started, my mission was to keep an eye on my camera settings to see if there was enough light. Once I got that somewhat right, I didn't put my camera down.

I took around 400 photos. There's a string of them, about 50, that are perfectly in focus.

Success!

It also helps that the cars slow down during cautions. Like I said, sometimes photography involves cheating.

I'm okay with that.

I can honestly say that being a race photographer is something I officially don't want to do with my life. It's dangerous for the photographers on the track, it's hot, and it's dirty.

After the race was over I had dirt in places dirt should not be.

But I'm glad I owned up to the challenge and kind of succeeded. I don't think they're award winning photos, they may not even be a home run, but I think they're a solid base hit.

And now I'm getting my sports mixed up.

Cleaning Up

Good evening!

I've spent a large chunk of my time over the past few days in a cleaning mode.

I've pitched a few trash bags full of useless stuff, I've put other stuff in storage and I've downsized quite a bit.

There are a few things I have learned in the process.

1. If anyone sees me buying post it notes or highlighters, slap me immediately.

2. It's amazing how much stuff you have that you don't need.

3. It's also amazing how many tweezers and lip gloss tubes you find when you're not specifically looking for those things.

There's my insightful wisdom for the day.

You're welcome.

You stupid freak.

The new Weird Al album comes out soon.

I'm way too excited about this.

My family and I have been fans of Weird Al for a long time. My brother and I saw him in concert around 10 years ago, and it was pretty great.

I've been listening to him a lot lately. I forgot how great some of the songs are. Among my favorite are "Gump," "Amish Paradise," "Trapped in the Drive Thru" and "The Saga Begins."

But my favorite Weird Al song of all time is probably "Your Horoscope for Today."

I can't explain how much I love this song. There are a few parts in particular I like:

• Work a little harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak.
• Taurus - You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
• All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
• A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you
• The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
• If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

Oh, heck. I'll put post all the lyrics:

"Your Horoscope For Today"

Aquarius

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus

Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus

You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus

You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

Gemini

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence

Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer

The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud

Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no

Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo

All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you

Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely

that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have

a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,

but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions

are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have

to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra

A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you

Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio

Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window

Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius

All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)

Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)

That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)

That's your horoscope for today

I wonder if the universe hates me sometimes.

If you don't like poop, don't read this.

I can handle a lot of things in life, but the one thing that I can't handle is poop.

This week has been very, very poopy.

Let me start off by saying that the Fourth of July sucks if you're a dog. I noticed that a certain dog in my life seemed kind of stinky on Thursday night. I tried to make her go outside, but she was panting, pacing back and fourth and panicking about the fireworks going off.

Fine then, dog, don't go outside. See if I care.

About 10 minutes later, she came back to me and was even more frantic than she was before.

I stepped out into the room to see what she was freaking out about, and I stepped in something mushy.

Something warm and mushy.

DOG!

I turned the light on, and my worst fears were confirmed. To put it mildly, the dog was very upset.

She was very upset ALL OVER THE ROOM.

There's no use in getting mad at her, so I put my adult pants on, gagged and threw up a little in the process, and cleaned the mess up.

Lovingly stolen from Facebook.

My main goal at this point is to not get mad at the dog, but to attempt to save the carpet. Please dear baby Jesus, let me clean this mess up and not ruin a room full of carpet in the process.

One carpet cleaner I have doesn't work. It puts down the soapy water, but it doesn't pick it back up.

I wonder if the universe hates me sometimes.

After confirming the fact that it didn't work, I dragged another one out that finally did work. I haven't used it very much, and I'm not familiar with it enough to know how to get the water out.

I fumbled with it, got the plastic water thing out, then dropped the plastic container full of dirty, disgusting water on the floor. Of course, it came apart on impact and spilled all over the floor.

THE EFFING FLOOR THAT I JUST CLEANED.

I put my hair in a ponytail. You know shit's serious when the hair goes in a ponytail, people.

At midnight thirty on Friday morning, the situation was finally under control and the smell in my casa no longer made me want to toss my cookies.

I'm going to end this by saying that I don't feel good and I slept exactly zero hours on Wednesday night.

Life can be so shitty sometimes.

Sneeze, sniffle

I haven't been blogging much lately. There are a few reasons for that, but mostly it's just because my life has been boring this week and nothing exciting has happened.

The only update I can provide is about the impressive amounts of snot coming out of my head.

TMI? Probably. I could feel a cold coming for a few days, and the full brunt of it hit a couple days ago.

I'm not coughing much, though, which makes me hopeful that it won't turn into a months-long case of bronchitis.

Ho-hum.

I have a thing with being sick on holidays, apparently.

More quotes

More Lost quotes:

"You can't change anything you can't change."

"Whatever happened happened. You can't change the past."

"I don't understand you, but I believe you."