Whole damn fire

It's okay if you fall down and lose your spark.

Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.

The giving of thanks

Today I'm thankful for spending time with wonderful families and wonderful friends that became my family over the years.

When the entire state of Kansas does not separate us, the three of us are pretty fun and fierce together.

Most of the quotes and memories of Cards Against Humanity are not safe enough to publish on thishereblogpost, but one quote is.

"You're sad and fat and I have no legs. Let's be friends."

Sometimes you just have to put your head down on the table and giggle your little heart out.

He looks mad.

Picture this: I have two little pig-tailed and pony-tailed little girls behind me in a craft store. They're picking out what they want to look at and buy.

We walk through the art department, where there's little toys everywhere. Some are of bears, cheetas, and mountain lions.

I immediately went to the dinosaurs. I picked up a t-rex, and showed little K.

"He looks mad," she told me.

Oh no, I said. He's not mad. He's actually really happy. Maybe he's just sneezing?

I took the dinosaur off the shelf, and pretended to kiss little K with in on her cheeks.

"He's mad!"

Little K, there is no possible chance that a t-rex could be mad.

Right?

:)

On princesses and presidents

I carted around two pretty cute little girls yesterday afternoon.

We went to my house to let the dogs out, we went and paid some bills, and we went on a shopping trip to a craft store.

While in said craft store, the girls told me that the Virgin Mary was a princess. They also told me that President Trump was in the store.

Spoiler: He was not.

There are days

I'm watching The Mindy Project on Hulu.

I actually laughed out loud at this comment: "Oh my God, I'm going to be on the third season of Serial."

There are days I think the same thing.

Part 1

Interesting things about oral surgery, medications and anxiety, part 1:

1. My right arm hurt today, and I didn’t know why. I have two punctures on my right arm, which is fine, but my dentist took blood from my left arm. They tried my right arm, and I don’t even remember them doing that. Anxiety is awesome like that.
2. Dentists take blood now? That’s a first for me.
3. I’m about ready to itch my skin off. Side effect of antibiotics, I guess? Wearing clothes that are 100 percent cotton helps. Weird.
4. I have stitches on both sides of my mouth. Every time my face touches something, like a pillow or a make-up brush, it hurts.
5. Being in cold weather makes it feel like someone is taking a baseball bat to my face.
6. I have to eat food to take medicine, but I can’t chew on either side of my mouth. What?
7. I had to drink a lot of water before the surgery because they told me to be nice and hydrated when I got my blood taken. Thankfully I learned how to drink really fast in my younger years. Thanks, college!

Life sucks sometimes.

Side rant: Garth Brooks, who did not sing live at the CMAs, won Entertainer of the Year. First my mouth hurts, and now my heart hurts. 

Nurse Penny: Yo, something happened to your face today. 

"It looks like filet mignon."

The good news: I got my dental implants yesterday!

The bad news: I got my dental implants yesterday.

Punctuation matters.

I don't think I can talk about it yet. I will say, for now, that it was a wonderful experience. It means a lot to me when dentists acknowledge how hard and traumatic this is, especially when you have anxiety and have been treated terribly by dentists in the past.

I have also learned from my mistakes.

1.  Pain medicine is to be filled in the city you have your surgery in. 
2. Anxiety is to be talked about beforehand. 
3. Probiotics are to be taken when you're on antibiotics, especially when your digestive system has a mind of its own.
4. PTs are okay to consult with when you have no idea how to handle your body when you're on antibiotics. In fact, they want to help. 

First world problem whine:

Do you have any idea how many uses your face, your mouth and your teeth have? You don't realize how much you need those until something goes wrong.

I sleep with my face buried in my pillow. I can't do that when anything touching my face literally feels like it's trying to murder me.

I put make-up on this morning. It felt like I was trying to murder my own face.

I stepped outside to let my dogs out, and the cold air felt like it was beating the crap out of my face.

Eating breakfast with stitches on both sides of your mouth? This whole process is stupid. I have to eat in order to take medicine to make me feel better, but eating hurts and taking medicine without eating makes me toss my cookies.

It's a vicious cycle.

I am strong for doing this.

After it was over (2 hours!), my dentist made a point to talk to me about anxiety.

She also made it a point to tell me that this is a really traumatic experience to go through.

---

The stupid thing about dental anxiety is that you can't avoid appointments. You just end up making your problems worse when you avoid it.

These are my anxiety ridden, very very sleepy thoughts at the moment.

I'll end with this.

After my dentist finished the first implant, she looked at it and said it was beautiful.

She said: "It looks like filet mignon."

I cried, gagged, and tried really hard not to throw up on everyone.

That's life.

Golden

Golden:

Now's not the time. Later isn't good either, but we'll get back to you on this. Sometime.

You want what for Halloween?

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.

This year, I had a whopping six kids come to my door and get candy...and I was related to 50 percent of those kids.

I knew my brother's kids were at the door when they came in without ringing the doorbell. They each got a toy and some M&Ms.

Curly-haired child was quiet and hiding in my bedroom. The baby was crabby and crying. But my favorite little red-head was her usual spunky self.

She looked at my dinner sitting on my table, and rubbed her stomach. I offered her some broccoli salad, to which she made a face.

She had a request, though. A special Halloween request.

"Eggs."

Red-haired child, you want what for Halloween?

"Eggs."

I almost caved and made her some scrambled eggs for Halloween.

Did she think she was going to park it at my house and stay overnight? Was she going to kick off her shoes, eat some scrambled eggs, and stay a while?

I'm not sure.

I knew they still had to stop at Grandma's, so I stalled the red-haired child and told her that maybe Grandma would make her some eggs.

She let it go, gave me a nosey, and went out my door without eggs.

This child and I share a middle name, are both pretty introverted, and she was, by a whole minute, the child who made me an aunt.

She's also the child who told her twin sister regarding a barbeque grill: "Stick your curly head in it."

She's quiet, but she's fierce.

I hope the child who asks for eggs on Halloween grows up to be just as weirdly amazing as she is now.

I was taking a picture of her when she told me: "Monica, you not in the picture.
Get in the picture." And then I melted into a big pile of goo.