I think that this is when it's over for me

I love me some petty drama, especially if it doesn’t impact my personal life at all.

On Valentine’s Day, a certain country singer released a break up album about her divorce. Please note that I’ve never been married (or divorced) and I pretty much gave up on dating since the last guy did me in, but more on that later.

For people who don’t speak country music: Guy and girl got divorced. Guy released a heartbreak song first, which made a lot of people, myself included, pretty much hate the girl in the scenario.

Justified? Absolutely not. But feelings are feelings and OMG, she broke his heart!

And then she released new music on Valentine’s Day. I love the pettiness of breakup music on Valentine’s Day. At the moment I decided to give her new music a listen, I had just read a Facebook update from a single friend, wishing everyone a very happy Independence Day on Feb. 14. 

I about died of laughter. It was a fantastic moment.

So this blog post is about the moment I knew it was over in one relationship.

Is this personal? Yes, but it needs to be told. Why? One, I'm pretty sure I have written about this moment in the past. Two, men need to know that it's not okay to cheat and to be on dating apps when you're dating a girl for six months and taking her home to meet your family for the holidays.

Not. Okay.

Third: When we write about the things, we heal from the things.

--

There are things I know now that I didn’t know then. At the time this happened in my life, I was very much in love and I wanted my relationship to work out. 

Hindsight is always 20/20.

It was late at night, or early in the morning, depending on your attitude about late nights. We hadn’t fought at all that day or night, and we were having a perfectly normal conversation. About what, I don’t remember. 

(I wish I remembered the last moments of that relationship, but at the time, I didn’t know they were the lasts. That’s probably another story entirely.)

I went to touch his hair, which was something I did often. This was completely normal to me. He slapped my arm away from him before my hand reached his hair. 

Physically, he slapped my arm away from him.

I immediately got up and left. 

The cheating and lying part did not make me leave. Why? I don’t know, but it probably has something to do with the fact that it didn’t happen right in front of my face. I never saw her or talked to her — she was just this imaginary, mythological creature that we fought about constantly. (Me: Please stop. Him: No. Me: But I said please. Him: No.)

I looked around his place and I knew that would be the last time that I would ever step foot in his apartment again.

I said goodbye to him and his things mentally, and then I got in my car in his driveway. As soon as I turned the ignition, I started crying as soon as I heard the song that was playing over my speakers.

It was Eric Church’s song Some of It. What brought me to tears was the part of the song that was playing:

What really makes you a man

Is being true to her

‘Til your glass runs out of sand

That was the moment I knew it was over for me. All it took was a slap on the arm, Eric Church singing about being true to a woman, and I booked it out of there so fast I could not leave fast enough.

The song Mountain With A View has been all over TikTok the past few days. Women are sharing their stories about the moment they realized it was over, and I think there’s a whole new generation of women who are just now learning, through this music, that leaving a man doesn’t mean that you failed. It just means that you love yourself more than the pain he put you through.

That’s a hard lesson to learn. 

I think that this is when I cut the tie loose

I think that is when I set myself free

One day you’ll ask, “When was it over for you?”

I think that this is when it was over for me.

--

So what happened to him? 

I don't care.

So what happened to me?

Short story long: I did everything that I wanted to do, and I did it on my own. 

Put some feel good in my soul

Random thoughts floating around in my head at the moment:

- It kills me how newsletters are back in. Like, I know painfully normal people who have a monthly newsletter. Do I subscribe? Of course I do. Do I think it’s weird? Of course I do.

- Taxes changed this year, and taxes are not like last year. I went shopping with my refund money and bought shampoo and toilet paper. I got kind of excited about it. 

- Speaking of things that are ‘in’ — all of the pants that I own are skinny jeans. Those are out, as we’re back to bell bottoms and wide-leg pants now. I found some updated pants at Target, got a couple pairs of tennis shoes (one purple), and suddenly I feel 10 years younger. I also went down a pant size, likely because I quit eating out/in public while I’m getting a dental implant. It’s a win-win all around, I think.

- I love that Gen Z made it okay to wear tennis shoes to work. I am all about that comfort. 

- Life is pretty stable and not that exciting at the moment, which is why I haven’t been updating. The update would literally be that I just bought toilet paper…which I just told you. 

- I googled the average lifespan of a blog recently. The results are kind of mixed: it’s either 100 days or two years. Regardless, my little Kansas Musings is turning 10 this year. Ten years of my thoughts is way too much, but it is what it is. Ten years of Pugs, country music and traveling? Let’s make it another 10 years, guys. We should do something to celebrate…

Things I didn't picture myself saying out loud 10 years ago.

 "Pickles, stop licking the couch."