Monday, November 28, 2022

I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this


I'm almost a week out of recovering from oral surgery. Last Tuesday, I had a tooth extracted, an implant placed and had bone grafting done around the implant. 

My stitches came out today. Sometime next week, I'll go back to my surgeon for a 2-week visit. 

Here are my post surgery thoughts, in no particular order. 

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First off, I decided today that people don't really understand dental pain or dental work, especially on someone my age (young-ish). To put my life in perspective, last Tuesday I walked away from that surgery with five different prescription medications, including two different painkillers.

Life pro tip: You don't have to explain pain to me. 

I get it.

This is not an optional thing, ladies and gents. You do not get rid of a tooth for fun, because you feel like it, or because you get a kick out of it.

You get rid of a tooth for the same reason that people get rid of any body part, ever  — appendixes, spleens, gall bladders — because if you don't, that problem will cause you pain and misery and eventually might try to kill you.

Me chucking that tooth was not optional. It had to come out. 

In the words of my dentist, when she was explaining to me that it was up to me to make that initial appointment with the oral surgeon: "You have a ticking time bomb in your head."

I get the seriousness of this. You don't have to tell me twice.

Let's get rid of the bomb before it explodes.

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When I was waking up from anesthesia last week, the assistants/nurses/whatever their titles are at that office asked me how I found the problem with that tooth.

That tooth had a root canal and a crown. If you looked at me when I smiled or laughed, you could not have diagnosed the problem. To the outside world, that tooth looked totally normal.

Also, according to doctors, teeth that have had a root canal are no longer alive. The nerve of the tooth is removed, and that tooth is dead. ("It doesn't have any feelings. It's dead. It shouldn't hurt.")

However, that tooth was broken in two different places. Broken as in not chipped, but completely broken horizontally in the roots and not fixable. It was time for it to go to that big tooth place in the sky.

My answer to how I found the problem: I had a headache.

In my post-anesthesia haze, I explained to the nurses that I noticed I was getting headaches a lot that easily went away with over the counter medicine. Only, when the meds wore off, the headache came back, and when it came back, the pain moved around in different parts of my head.

Sometimes, it felt like an earache, like I had an ear infection. Sometimes the pain was behind my eyes, and at other times, it was a very specific spot at the back of my head.

I know my body well enough to know that a headache that moves around my head is actually a toothache. I knew immediately what the pain was and made an appointment with a dentist the week that I had that realization. 

The nurses seemed surprised by this. I remember them talking to me, saying something like: You did an incredible job of paying attention to your body and listening to it when it told you something was wrong. Good job on catching the problem.

Post-anesthesia Monica, who was slobbering all over herself and couldn't walk afterward and had to be wheelchaired to the vehicle, appreciated the validation.

Sometimes, when you're wobbly, bloody, numb mouthed and missing a tooth, validation and a 'good job' is all you need.

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While I was still awake before surgery, they strapped my arms to the chair. They wrapped me in a blanket and explained to me that it was to prevent my arms from flailing around and hitting the surgeon. 

Whatever, I thought. You can do whatever you want, as long as I'm out when this surgery happens. 

That's a weird, feeling, though. It's weird to trust a stranger with your body. 

I remember thinking to myself before they put me out: "Mr. Oral Surgeon, please make good decisions. Just make really good choices today, please and thank you."

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To say that I have anxiety about this whole process is an understatement. I do not like this. I don't like the sounds, I don't like being helpless, I don't like having something wrong with my body that I cannot fix by myself.

I don't like trusting strangers. I don't like waiting. I don't like pain. I don't like crying and blood and needles and pain and shots.

The thing about specialists, I think, is that they're used to people like me. More than likely, people like me are normal to them.

When we checked in, I filled out some paperwork and they took me back immediately — my butt did not hit a chair in the waiting area.

Anxious people really don't like waiting. Specialists know that and don't make you do it. 

I appreciated that. A lot.

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I counted today and I had seven appointments in Wichita before this appointment. (Part of that was a crown I was getting on another tooth, but that still counts, in my opinion.)

I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this (to quote someone I did not get concert tickets for). I cried into my pillow at night. I cried while driving home from work. I cried in parking lots, behind closed doors, on the phone with my parents and to friends and to my dogs.

I will never handle this gracefully. I will lose it and cry every single time it happens to me.

Losing a piece of your body is devastating.

This is the fourth tooth that I've lost and the third implant that I'll have. 

This is not new to me.

Right now, I'm proud of myself for finding the problem while it was inconvenient and I'm proud of myself for finding it before it turned into a total infected disaster.

A message to my body: Please just calm down and don't have another huge disaster for five years. I'm okay if this happens every five years. Five to seven, ideally. Until then, just chill out with the teeth breaking and the pain and the drama.

Please?

Monday, November 7, 2022

"You're disappointing and you have no brain."

I'm going to set the scene for you.

My favorite little red-head is 8 years old. She's smart, spunky, and has an attitude that she blames on her red hair.

My Dad, her Papa, said something to her that made her mad. I have no idea what he said because I wasn't paying attention. Whatever was said was probably was not that bad.

My favorite little red-head went right up to her Papa, looked him in the eye, told him something and then walked away.

She said: "Papa, you're disappointing and you have no brain."

And then I died in a fit of laughter. 

That insult is direct and concise. It's clean, with no cussing and she didn't even raise her voice when she said it. Her tone was even, her delivery was perfect and she was confident in her wording.

I give it a 10 out of 10. It's the perfect insult. 

"You're disappointing and you have no brain."

Also, I feel that way about a lot of people in my adult life. Thank you, little redhead, for giving me the perfect words and the perfect insult. I'm going to put that one in my back pocket and save it for future use.


Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Meet me at midnight

I've spent about a week with Midnights now, and I am head over heels in love with it.

I've been a little bit of a Taylor Swift fan in the past, but this is the first time that I've considered myself a Swiftie. I loved Speak Now when it came out, but since then, I haven't listened to any of her albums from start to finish.

Until now.

Midnights, like I posted about on Facebook, sounds exactly like what being a woman in your 30s is like, particularly for those of us who have never been married and don't have kids. 

Thinking about your ex at midnight? We do that often. Cussing a lot? That happens, too. It's weird, but fuckin' beautiful? Nailed it, blondie. Falling in love again? Yes, that happens. Plus, sometimes there are dickhead guys. Um, everyone, blondie gave us the word 'dickhead' in a song, and I love her for it.

I am fan-girling over this album pretty hard. I love the lyrics and the sound. 

It's perfect.

I think Taylor Swift is one of the best songwriters out there, if not the best ever, hands down. Below are my favorite words of hers on Midnights.

Snow on the Beach and You're On Your Own, Kid are my favorite songs on Midnights. Each song made me cry the first time I heard them. These songs are the most beautiful things I've ever heard. 

Lavender Haze: I just want to stay in that Lavender Haze

Maroon: The lips I used to call home AND Sobbing with your head in your hands / Ain’t that the way shit always ends?

Anti Hero: I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

Snow On The Beach: And it’s like snow on the beach / Weird but fuckin’ beautiful

Life is emotionally abusive

Stars by the pocketful

I’ve never seen someone lit from within / blurring out my periphery

My smile is like I won a contest / and to hide that would be so dishonest

You’re On Your Own kid: Everything you lose is a step you take

Midnight Rain: A slow-motion, love potion / Jumping off things in the ocean

Question…?: She was on your mind with some dickhead guy

Vigilante Shit: Draw the cat eye strong enough to kill a man  AND Sometimes I wonder which one’ll be your last lie

Bejeweled: Sapphire tears on my face / Sadness became my whole sky / But some guy said my aura’s moonstone / Just ‘cause he was high

Labyrinth: I’ll be gettin’ over you my whole life AND You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back / Just like that

Karma: Karma is a relaxing thought / Aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?

Sweet Nothing: And the voices that implore, “You should be doing more” / To you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it

Mastermind: And a touch of a hand lit the fuse / Of a chain reaction of countermoves / To assess the equation of you / Checkmate, I couldn’t lose 

The Great War: Always remember / Uh-huh, the burning embers / I vowed now to fight anymore / If we survived the Great War

Bigger Than the Whole Sky: Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

Paris: I’m so in love that I might stop breathing

High Infidelity: You know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love / The slowest way is never loving them enough

Glitch: In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else’s playground

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: I regret you all the time

Dear Reader: No one sees when you lose when you’re playing solitare


Love never dies.