Grasshopper of doom.

Not that long ago I got a text message from a friend. A grasshopper found its way to her car, she said, and tried to kill her when she was driving.

I sympathized, but couldn't understand. It's a bug in a car. What's the big deal?

Well, I understand now. The grasshopper of doom thing happened to me yesterday.

I was going to the post office, living out my happy little life and minding my own business, when something flew past my head.

It was scary, and the grasshopper flew past me fast. I was stopped at a stop sign when it landed on my dashboard. It stayed there for a couple of seconds, then flew into my backseat.

How terrifying.

I looked in the back of my car when I got home last night, but couldn't find it. Just to be safe, I rolled all of my windows down in my car, in hopes that the stupid grasshopper of doom would hop its way out of my car and life during the night.

I ran an errand for work this morning, opened my car door, and looked down at the floor.

The grasshopper was sitting there, staring at me, mocking me.

A terrible first world problem enhanced and circled by Photoshop for dramatic effect.

I did what any other adult would do in this situation.

I threw my car keys at it. It didn't budge. I took one of my shoes off and threw it at the grasshopper. It still didn't move. I was thinking it would get scared and jump out of my car.

On second thought, can grasshoppers even get scared? Maybe my line of thinking was stupid.

Anyway, this morning I was standing in my work parking lot, keyless and shoeless, staring at a bug in my car. The only thing left to do was take a photo of it and send it to my friend, the one who understands how evil grasshoppers are.

They come out of nowhere and really do try to kill you when you're driving.

The thing is, I'm a strong, independent woman, except when it comes to bugs. When bugs are involved I become kind of weak and whiny.

Spiders and grasshoppers and other creepy crawlies? I'm not even going to pretend to be strong. There was an incident week involving spiders. Like a grown up, I noped it out of there and made someone else deal with it.

I can handle a lot of things in life.

Bugs I can't handle.

(I finally did get the grasshopper out of my car. It took both shoes.)