I know that. I know that I have an anxiety problem. I take medication for it.
The stupid thing, though, is that getting the medication and paying for it gives me anxiety. Yes, I know how stupid this is. I can't help it.
I take more than one prescription medication. I don't like the fact that I need them, but if they work, then fine. I'll take them.
One of the medications that works for my body is really expensive. Like, $170 a month expensive. I have a house payment, a student loan payment, and other bills.
I have no second income to rely on. I rely on myself.
Spending that much money a month for medicine is not an option for me. My doctor (er, nurse practitioner) knows this. When we switched my medication, she handed me a piece of paper.
She said something along the lines of, 'I know you just bought a house and I know you live alone. Use this at the pharmacy. It will help.'
The piece of paper says I'm supposed to pay no more than $30 a month if I have insurance.
When I went to pick up the medication today, the total was $167 and some change.
My heart sank to my butt.
Does this happen to other people besides me?
It took about 30 minutes chatting with the lady behind the counter to figure out what the problem was and how to fix it.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and die in the process.
Finding a medication that works for my body is not easy. I've gone through multiple tests at multiple doctors to figure out the problem. The last time I thought I had a problem, I had no problem at all, my body just got bored and decided to mess up for no medical reason.
I know I'm whining about things that I shouldn't be whining about, but sometimes you just need wine and to whine.
There should be a law that all healthcare providers have to adhere to. I'll call it The Monica. Or, as an alternative title: I HAVE ANXIETY AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Being an introvert with an anxiety problem is really, really hard sometimes.
Today, it was hard. Tomorrow, it might be better.
On bad days, my mind always goes back to a blog post that The Bloggess wrote in 2013, called 'Where I Am Right Now.'
Her problems are completely different than mine are at the moment. Hers are more serious, and make me realize that I'm whining for no reason.
Anyway, this blog post has gotten me through some pretty tough days.
We've all been there. Shit happens.
My favorite parts of the blog:
"But I had the same growth 10 years ago and got it biopsied and it wasn’t cancer then and eventually it just went away, so I suspect it’s a silent twin that’s just swimming around in my body and fucking shit up."
---
"And more upsetting is the fact that I still feel exactly as exhausted as I did before we started the treatment, so God knows if this will even work or if it’ll just be another bullet-point in my list-of-shit-that’s-wrong-with-me."
---
"I should be happy that things weren’t worse, and relieved that I have the resources to diagnose and maybe fix the problems, but today I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I can’t find a way to end this paragraph."
Somewhat related: My dog was the worst dog in obedience class last night. She's so happy, though, she has no idea she's in last place. She's totally okay with it.
Definitely Related: 19 Small Awards Anyone With Anxiety Deserves To Receive
No comments:
Post a Comment