A cat who doesn't know how to cat

It all started about a month ago.

If I remember right, my dog and I went for a walk. We walked past a cat on our walk, which scared my dog. It kind of scared me, too, because the cat didn't move when we walked past it. It looked at us, gave no shits that we were there, then went about its cat business.

I'm fairly sure the cat that has adopted my backyard as its home is the same cat.

Call me crazy, but maybe the cat followed my dog and I back to our house. Maybe the cat was thinking, 'That lady likes little furry things. Maybe her house would be a good place to live. I shall adopt this human and call her my own.'

If I'm outside for more than five minutes, I'll inevitably hear my new little friend meowing at me. At first, it was cute.

Now, it's kind of annoying. I swear I hear her meowing in my dreams.

The thing is, though, I'm not completely heartless. I don't want a cat in my house, but I do give her food, water, wish her well and hope she doesn't die.

That's enough for now, I think.

At first I fed her some expired lunch meat I had in my fridge that I was going to throw away.

She didn't complain.

When I ran out of that, I went and bought a $4 bag of cat food.

She isn't complaining about that, either.

I was working on a craft project outside last night. I cut off some string, sat down in the middle of my backyard, and tried to play with the cat.

She wouldn't have it. I'm not a cat person, but I thought all cats played with string? Isn't this supposed to be fun?

(Cat, you are the worst cat in history. You're such a bad cat, you don't even know how to cat.)

I'm on a mission to earn her trust. All the other wild cats don't get close to me. The wild cats hiss at my dog.

This cat comes close to me. As soon as I extend my arms out, she runs away. But I've never heard her hiss. She meows at me and my dog. She follows me around the yard.

When I go inside, she comes up to my back porch. Like, hey, I'm cute, can I come in?

As long as she doesn't beat my dog up, she can stay in my yard. She likes to sleep by my garage. She gives my dog the stink eye from the other side of the fence. Last night, I put my dog in the house specifically so the cat could eat her supper.

Penny and I had a nice, long talk in my backyard. Penny the Pug was on my lap, with the cat about three feet away from us. I told Penny to be nice, then I let her go. Penny's niceness lasted about 30 seconds, then the cat got chased up the tree.

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

I'm a sucker for cute things with tails.