Up in flames (kind of)

Last night when I went to bed, I smelled something burning.

I checked all around my house. The oven was fine and off, nothing was off in the basement, my flat iron was off and my curling iron wasn't plugged in.

What's that mysterious burning smell?

I thought someone had a fire pit going in my neighborhood, so I fell peacefully asleep and decided not to worry about it.

The smell woke me up at 3 a.m. It was right in my face, and I immediately knew what it was.

It was my fan!

I unplugged it, felt the motor, and it was very, very hot.

This is where having an anxiety disorder is not fun.

I don't have dumpster access from my backyard. I'd have to walk through a neighbor's yard to throw the fan away.

But if I were to do that at 3 a.m., I'd probably be murdered or get lost and die.

If I put the fan on my front porch, it would catch my front porch on fire and the rest of the house would probably catch on fire, too.

If I put it outside on my grass, the grass would just catch on fire, which would lead to my house catching on fire, which would lead to other houses catching and fire and that's just not cool at 3 a.m.,  you know?

I thought about putting it in my car, but that scenario eventually lead to my probably dying as well.

My solution to all of this anxiety at 3 a.m. was to just stay awake and make sure the damn thing didn't burn my house down.

On a sidenote, having a fire extinguisher in my house seemed like a really good idea this morning.

I started dozing off around 5:30 a.m. I felt the fan. It was cool and didn't smell like rotten, burning corpses anymore, so I figured it was safe.

I'm okay with my life serving as a warning to other people of exactly what not to do.

If you smell something burning by your head, don't go to sleep!

Oops.

I've had that fan for a really long time. When my 4-year-old dog was a puppy, she decided she wanted to eat electricity one morning and chewed the cord to the fan.

She was fine. My Dad fixed the fan and put two layers of hard plastic around the cord. It's the same plastic people put in fields to make sure mice and other critters don't eat cable.

So, this fan has seen better days. The plastic around the cord is bright yellow, which doesn't exactly scream, "I'm a strong, independent woman!"

The fan is going to fan heaven tonight. It has lived a good, long life.  I'll fall in love with another fan sometime this weekend.

Oh, the joys of being a homeowner.

(Also a good reminder - shut off your fans before you leave your house!)