I used to do it to myself all the time. That person is my age and has a house. That person my age just got a better job. That person my age just...a bunch of things.
I realized about a year ago that all the comparisons I was making were completely pointless and were getting me nowhere in life.
I stopped comparing my life to other people's, and I've been pretty happy since.
Something that's been bugging me, though, is that I've been hearing a lot of comparisons in the community I live in.
The next town over (Neighboring Town) is attracting retail like crazy. There's always been a Target there, and there's a Sam's, Menards, Home Depot, Petco, TJ Maxx, Dick's Sporting Goods, and probably some other stores that I'm forgetting.My mom and I went shopping in said Neighboring Town last weekend. I spent $20 on a pretty cute purse and $4 on a drink at Starbucks.
We ate dinner at a new restaurant that was so packed we had to wait a few minutes for a table. (In western Kansas, that's pretty cool.)
We had a great time.
Something that bothers me about my hometown is that we always compare ourselves to Neighboring Town.
I'm going to admit that I'm pretty weird and I'm completely biased here. My first job out of college was in Neighboring Town. I lived there for 2.5 years.
Neighboring Town is probably my favorite place I've lived. It had its problems, just like every town does, but I had a really good time when I lived there.
The bars were good. The friends were great. There's a music festival in the summer that attracts my favorite bluegrass artist (John McCutcheon!). There's a zoo so beautiful you won't believe it's in Kansas. The giant pool is pretty cool. The walking paths are fun. The neighborhood near downtown has wide streets and giant trees that look beautiful in the fall and in the winter when they're covered in snow.
I had my first grown up apartment there.
I drank a lot of beer there.
I voted for the new high school there.
I cared about the community I lived in. I wanted to see it change for the better.
Now, back to that comparison thing. The one thing I don't think I ever heard while I lived in Neighboring Town was how they wanted to be like my hometown.
No one I talked with in Neighboring Town spent time obsessing about what the other town was doing.
It makes me sad that my hometown does this ALL OF THE TIME. How can you keep going forward if we're so obsessed about looking backward?
We had a new high school 10 years before Neighboring Town did. We had a Hobby Lobby 15 years before they did. We have a Bath and Body Works and they don't. We have entertainment options - a casino, a theater, a better racetrack - but the community doesn't recognize these things when the gripe session begins.
My dad told me something a long time ago that's always stuck with me. It's all relative, he would say. People who live in small towns aren't happy they aren't my hometown.
My hometown gets upset when we don't attract businesses that are in Wichita.People in Wichita don't like shopping there and go to Kansas City.
People in Oklahoma City get tired of it and go to Dallas to get away.
It's all relative. Regardless of where you live, people are always going to hate it and think the grass is greener on the other side.
I think the comparison thing bothers me for a few different reasons. Neighboring Town has a special place in my heart, just as my hometown does, and I'm pretty passionate about both.
I occasionally freelance in Neighboring Town. I look forward to visiting there and I swell with pride when I see new businesses pop up and existing businesses expand.
I also left after high school for a few years. I lived in towns bigger than my hometown and towns smaller than my hometown.
I don't care about rivals. I don't care about competition. For the people who moved away during college and came back, I think this is a pretty small issue, a tiny blimp in a world full of bigger problems.
People from my hometown who've lived elsewhere don't care which town is better. We've seen better, lived in better places, but still choose to be here because of family, work, or because of some other reason that brought us back here.
Is all of the competition, jealously, comparisons, and the hate between the two towns really necessary? By doing all of those things, are we just inventing our own problems?
Can we please find something better to do?
Can't we all just get along, work together, and be grateful we each have what the other one doesn't?
The answer to that, of course, is no. But I like to think that some day, some way, the answer will be yes.
(Wishful thinking, I know.)
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