What I have to say.

First off, a few notes and thoughts:

I thought about not hitting the publish button on this post, for several reasons. The last thing I want to do is piss people off that I'm close to, especially since I'm not currently in the dog house for anything at the moment.

I also don't want to compare my life and my troubles to anyone else's. Having a whining contest about whose life sucks the worst is stupid and serves zero purpose.

But after re-reading what I wrote earlier today, I think what I have to say is worth saying.

Also, the people who told me these things below probably didn't know they were being hurtful and not helpful. I don't blame them for this because I've probably done the same thing to people, too, without realizing it.

So, here's what I have to say.

I should probably add that I've never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, although I'm very much an anxiety-ridden person by nature. I always have been and I'll probably always be. I'm okay with that.

I've gone to what seems like tons of doctor's appointments over the past year. Until now, I've always been healthy and I've never really had a health problem before.

But something happened over the past year. It seemed like the floodgates opened wide and I had to deal with problem after problem after problem. I've gone to dozens of appointments, some good and some bad. Some of them I didn't even tell anyone about.

There were suspicious things found, suspicious things tested, biopsies to be had, me in a little tiny room full of doctors and nurses talking about my problems, what they could be, what they could not be, and the consequences of those things.

In the end, I got pretty lucky. My problems were largely nothing. Some went away with antibiotics, some with minor surgery, some with other types of medications.

My allergies were driving me crazy a couple weeks ago, so I went and got an allergy shot. My blood pressure was normal and my doctor (well, nurse) told me that other then some allergy issues, I'm completely healthy.

That was music to my ears.

So, with that out of the way, here's what I wrote earlier today.

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People are shocked that a well-liked comedian and actor committed suicide yesterday. I scrolled through Facebook right before I fell asleep last night, and nearly every post from my friends was about him.

Some people put his inspirational quotes next to his photos. Other people had kind things to say, encouraging people who are depressed to seek help immediately.

I don't know what depressed people go through, and I'm not going to pretend to. I do know how it feels to have a problem that people largely ignore, don't understand, and completely dismiss. I've even intentionally not told people about medical problems because I don't want to deal with their comments.

Things that have been said to me:

- If you stop going to the doctor they'll stop finding stuff wrong with you.

- They're only making you come back because they want money.

- Can't you just fix the problem yourself?

- I would just give up if I were you.

- Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

- You don't want to get better.

- I don't understand why you're so upset. Can't you just get over it?

Maybe people saying these things to me don't understand what they're saying, maybe some people do understand what they're saying and are just being giant asshats, I don't know.

Regardless, don't ever make fun or say unkind things to people who are going through shit. It doesn't matter if it's depression, anxiety, a broken bone or something else. Don't ever say an unkind word to people, especially if you know they're going through medical stuff.

It's kind of scary when you realize there's something wrong with you that you can't fix yourself. And it's really, really hard to make a phone call and ask a total stranger for help.

When people say those things to me that I listed above, I have no idea how to respond, so I mostly ignore it. While going through a particularly shitty situation, two people in my life said kind things to me. Two people.

I challenge everyone reading this to be like those two people in my life. Be understanding, patient and respectful. Listen, but only if I want to talk. And if I don't want to talk, talk to me about your problems and remind me that I'm not the only person in the world dealing with this.

And don't discount anyone. It's not nice and you're not doing any good by it.

I'm sorry that Robin Williams died. I remember wearing out my family's copy of Mrs. Doubtfire when we had it on tape.

I'm glad, though, that people are discussing depression and are mostly encouraging people to seek help for it.

No matter what medical condition you have, don't ever be afraid to ask for help. If you have something suspicious on your body that wasn't there before, get it checked out.

In fact, go get checked out even if you don't think there's anything wrong. There could be something wrong with you that you don't even know about. You can't see things like diabetes and high blood pressure, yet those things can kill you if you don't take care of yourself.

To people reading this? Go get checked out and get your problems fixed. Go to a medical doctor and have blood work done. If you're depressed, go talk to someone about it. Schedule yearly visits with a dentist and optometrist.

There are people in the world who make a living by helping you.

To the rest of the world? Get over the stigma that doctors are bad people who are out to get your money. Stop saying that people who go to doctors on a regular basis need to stop.

Last January, I was standing next to a lawyer and trying to be discreet about eavesdropping on a conversation. Something the lawyer said stuck with me.

"Everybody hates lawyers and doctors until you need one."

I agree.

My favorite line from a Cracked article about Robin Williams: "Anyway. Rest in peace, Robin. You've given us a chance to talk about this, and to prove that this has nothing to do with life circumstances -- you were rich and accomplished and respected and beloved by friends and family, and in the end it meant jack fucking shit."