Worth it.

I've always known I what I wanted to do.

When I was little, a family friend would clip out newspaper articles about things I liked and give them to me. In first or second grade, he gave me a story about a man who raised giant rabbits for a living.

I carried that article around in my pink crayon box for the longest time. I still remember the black and white picture beside the story. I remember reading every word in the story, amazed such giant rabbits existed.

More than that, 8-year-old Monica was amazed that some writer got to hang out with rabbits and rabbit people all day. (I had five rabbits when I was little, along with a bird, hedgehog, and multiple dogs. I've always liked animals.)

In high school, I knew I needed to go to college to do that thing I've always wanted to do. I went to college, then another college, then I knew I needed some work experience in my field, along with having a part-time job that actually made my car payment.

Two days a week, I worked at a retail store from 1 to 8 p.m., then went to my hometown newspaper to do sports clerk things until midnight, sometimes past that. Then I'd go home, sometimes do homework, then go to class at 8 a.m. the next day.

I remember thinking I couldn't wait for the day where I could do journalism full-time, and not have to fight with my schedule or with a boss in a part-time job or with anything else in life.

After one year too many and some pretty cool experiences along the way, I finally finished school. I was not a traditional student at a very traditional school. I didn't hate it, but to be honest, I robbed myself of having a traditional college experience.

That die-hard school pride that I see at universities kills my soul. I don't have that. (Part of this is because I transferred so many times, part is probably my personality.)

If I don't have that, what do I have?

I've been thinking about this recently. I always knew I had to go to college. I knew that I would graduate, but I didn't know what would come after that.

Six years post college, I have that figured out now. I always knew I would go to school, but I had no idea what that school would give me in return.

What has it given me?

It's given me a pretty amazing network of people that I still keep in touch with today.

It's also given me some pretty cool life experiences.

I've interviewed a Holocaust survivor.

I've interviewed people who were at the Pentagon on 9/11.

I've shot a gun with a field full of wounded soldiers behind me, all of whom were very vocal in telling me that I have a right to bear arms when I tried to shy out of shooting the gun.

I had no idea what college would give me, maybe because no one in my immediate family went to college. There was no path to follow, and most of the time, there was no advice given to me or wisdom along the way.

I was kind of just swimming around in life, sometimes panicking and starting to drown, and sometimes learning how to swim, but mostly just flailing around until I found something that kind of worked. I cringe when I think about this. College was just a lot of flailing around, trying to figure out what to do, making countless mistakes and acting like an idiot along the way.

I wasn't the world's best student. I wasn't the world's happiest student. And when I make those student loan payments every month, I wonder if it was even worth it, especially when I compare my life to the lives of friends my age who didn't go to college.

I've known this for a while now, but I don't think I've said it out loud or written it down anywhere.

Yeah, it was worth it.

I don't regret taking the messed up, not traditional route I took.

When I transferred schools the first time, I remember thinking that I just messed everything up, I would never amount to anything and that I was finished. I remember being really pissed off and hopeless.

When I left journalism in 2011, I remember thinking that I had screwed everything up, no one would hire me and that I would never amount to anything. There was absolutely not a single ounce of hope left in my body. Also, I was pretty pissed off that life didn't go the way I wanted it to.

Those were both really bad times.

Both of those times, my parents remained pretty adamant that my life wasn't as hopeless as it seemed in my head.

You went to school and finished, they said. You have things that other people don't have - a career and potential.

They were right.

(My 18-year-old self just let out a huge gasp for actually admitting that, by the way.)

College taught me that it's okay to leave a situation if you're not happy. It taught me that there's something better yet to come.

The best thing that college gave me is a network of people who don't believe in giving up.

I'll never have that die-hard, paint my face for football games love for my school. Instead, it's a more subtle kind of emotion.

It's more like a, meh, you're pretty okay after all kind of a feeling.

I know now that it was definitely worth it.