Sustenance

I've had a leaf sitting on my dresser next to my jewelry box for more than half a year now.

I went on a trip to the eastern part of the state last year and grabbed a few leaves. It was in the fall and the leaves were huge, colorful, and unlike anything I had seen around here.

They were beautiful. I used one as a bookmark for a while. Most of the leaves fell apart and I threw them away, but I've kept one leaf, completely in tact and gorgeous, sitting on my dresser.

I went on that fall trip with someone who has since fired me from his life. 

I looked at that leaf every day and wondered what to do with it. It was too beautiful to throw away, yet I didn't want to keep looking at it throughout the day.

It took me a long time to decide to get rid of that leaf.

I thought about it and thought about it.

Something has to come out of that bad relationship, right? I need it to mean something. I need to learn a life lesson so I won't make the same mistake again.

Only, I can't think of a single life lesson I learned from it. It was fun until it wasn't and then it was over. 

That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I took the leaf out of my house and out to my garden about a week ago. I crumbled it up into a tiny million pieces. I scattered it all around, even in my compost pile.

I felt good about it. There was no crying and no regrets. I made the right choice to get rid of the leaf.

I will work in my garden tonight, more than likely, to make sure something comes out of those million little pieces. From those pieces I will grow tomatoes, lettuce, kohlrabi, cabbage and onions.

Those million little pieces will eventually turn into canned items that will fill my kitchen in the fall and winter months. That means those little pieces of my past will turn into sustenance for the future.

I no longer look at that leaf every day. I don't feel like I need it in my life, and I'm fine with those million little pieces being outside, in the dirt, wind, rain and hail. 

Maybe I did learn something from that relationship. Maybe there are some things that don't deserve to take up space in your house.

(And now I'm crying.)