Yes, kid. I am brilliant.

I'm adorable.

For approximately 17 hours over the weekend, I was in charge of six breathing things.

My Pugs are pretty easy to keep alive. In addition to them, my brother's three kids (5, 5, 3) spent the night at my house.

I'm still exhausted.

The baby of the group, three-year-old C, has only spent the night at my house once before. 

She cracks me up. 

The fun started when she saw my vacuum. Last year I bought a robotic vacuum and named him Jarvis. About a week after that, my parents bought one and named theirs Zoe.

The kids saw Grandma's vacuum first, which is the same brand that I have. 

That means that when little C walked in to my house and saw my vacuum, she thought I stole it from her grandparents. 

"Monta, why you steal Zoe?"

"Monta, give Zoe back to Gamma. That not nice."

"Monta don't steal."

Explaining logic to a three-year-old is pointless.

---

Somebody has to supervise bath time.

---

We went to the playground on Saturday. 

Before we left, C had an important question for me. 

"Monta, where you keep your van?"

I am single, 33 years old and have no children. I decided to tell little C the truth. 

"I keep my van in my garage."

Little C: "Otay."

---

The three-year-old had some other one-liners that were pretty good. 

While they were prolonging bedtime, the kids wanted to know who built my house. Earlier in the night, I explained to them that my house is really old. They're old enough now to know the difference between an old house and a new house.

C: "Monta, who built your house?"

Me: "I don't know, C. My house is more than 100 years old. Somebody built it a really long time ago."

C: "It was Papa. Papa built your house."

Me: "Absolutely. Your Grandpa, who is in his 60s, built my 100-year-old house."

C: "I love Papa. He so good."

---

One of the books I read to them before bedtime is called Night Night, Groot. 

As I was reading it, I pointed out all of the Marvel characters. There's Captain America, Groot, Spiderman, Rocket and Gamora. I explained to them that Gamora has a sister named Nebula. 

Little C was blown away by my basic Marvel movie knowledge.

C: "Monta so smart."

Yes, kid. I am brilliant.

---

I pointed out all the nooks and crannies of my house to the girls. The twins are old enough to understand that new houses don't have the "character" that mine has. 

I pointed out the closets in my bathroom, two of which I've never opened because I can't reach them. I asked the twins what they thought might be in those closets. 

One of them quipped: "Maybe Eric Church will pop out."

I've never been so proud of someone in my life. I've taught them well.