We can talk about politics, about wine, or about books, I really don't care. To me, it's rare to find independent women. When I find them, I want to latch on and never let them go.
I want to soak up every bit of knowledge they have, and I want to learn from them.
I want to be that strong, independent woman for my nieces.
(Rant: When they're older, I want them to think of me and say, "Damn, Monica didn't let anybody walk all over her. She knows what she wants, and she works pretty damn hard until she gets it.")
What does that mean, an independent woman?
An independent woman can be married or unmarried. She can be divorced. She can be single. She can be in a relationship.
To me, an independent woman has a job in her field, a degree, and a career.
This is a sore topic for me. This morning, I woke up to some pretty disturbing political headlines.
It's not okay to try to have sex with a married person. It's not okay to grab women "by the pussy." Good God, what kind of world are we living in?
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I wrote the following a few days ago. I wasn't going to post it, but after reading today's headlines, I feel like I have to post it. It rambles. I wish I could sit down and make it coherent, but I can't. I had a night of sleeplessness recently over this. This is as put-together as I can possibly get on this topic.
I am in my 30s.
I am not in a relationship.
I have no kids.
What I do have is a college degree, a house that I bought on my own, three Pug dogs, a good job in my chosen field, and a pretty cool family, including three of the most adorable little girls 2 and under that you'll ever meet.
But I don't have a man. I don't have kids. I think that's all some people think about when they talk to me.
In their eyes, there must be something wrong with me. I must be broken, people think.
When people find out I have no kids, they tell me that I could adopt.
I know people who have adopted kids. I would love to adopt one day, and yes, after I'm married. It's always been something that I've wanted to do.
I was so upset about this, I couldn't sleep the other night.
I went into a store recently in my hometown. The owner gave me an update about her daughter, who is older than me.
She has no kids and is not in a relationship, the store owner told me. Since when did that become the norm during a conversation?
It seems as though women are damned if they do, and damned if they don't.
If you have kids too early, as a teenager, everyone gossips and wonders what happened to birth control, and why she's not on it.
The same people who slut-shame you for having sex are the same people who criticize you for not having kids.
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I didn't have a say when my last relationship ended.
I'm single because I was in a competition with another woman, and the prize was someone who cheated on both of us.
I picked the wrong person. That's why I'm single, guys. I'm not broken or hopeless or anything else people apparently think single women in their 30s are.
I'm single because I screwed up and trusted the wrong person.
I'm hardly the first person in the world to have done that.
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I wasn't aware that I needed to issue a press release about my personal life to the world. Perhaps I should.
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I find myself doing the same thing to them as those people are doing to me.
My friend pointed this out to me. You're just repeating the same cycle that you're complaining about, she basically told me.
Holy shit.
She's right.
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So what's the answer to people talking about me behind my back?
There is no answer. There isn't an answer because there's nothing wrong with me.
I am not broken.
I am not in need of fixing.
I don't need to be saved.
I'm doing pretty damn good on my own.
And I'm going to keep doing this life thing on my own until I find someone whose presence is sweeter than my solitude.
I'm the biggest introvert alive, guys. I don't mind my life at the moment.
I kind of like it.
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