It not you. That another girl.

There is an 8x10 framed picture in my house of me and my best friend at her wedding.

When my 4-year-old twin nieces were at my house, they wanted to know who the girl in the photo was.

I told them that was my friend, who got married that day. I told the twins that my friend has a daughter their little sister's age.

That's neat, my favorite red-head told me in her cute mousy voice. But she had another question: Who is the other girl in the picture?

Um, kids, the other girl in the picture is me. It's your aunt, whom you've seen on a weekly basis for the past four years. I was at the hospital the day you were born. Birthdays? I've been there, every single time. I give you noseys multiple times a week.

No it not, the twins said. It not you. That another girl.

Uh, no. Did you have too much to drink at lunch? The girl in the picture is Aunt Monica.

But you have glasses, the twins told me.

In the middle of my living room, I took my glasses off. I had glasses 2 seconds ago, I told the twins, but now I don't.

Now do I look like the girl in the photo?

But the girl in the picture has long hair, they told me.

Yes. After that picture was taken I cut my hair.

Little cute red-head: No you didn't. You didn't cut your hair.

It was at that point that I admitted defeat, hung my head in shame, and changed the subject.

I remember when the twins were little tiny helpless baby burritos. And now they argue with me about whether a photo of me is actually me.

Podcast quotes

I listen to the Stuff Mom Never Told You podcast on a regular basis.

There was an episode this week called 'The Amateur Wedding Guest.' Writer Jen Doll was a guest on the podcast, and said some pretty cool things about weddings.

I think of it as prom for adults. It’s one of the few times in adult life where we get to repeat these really orchestrated, formalized affairs. We dress up, photos are taken, it’s really important. It happens less regularly than a birthday. And they’re always different. I think when we’re going to these things where love and romance and togetherness and a spirit of bonding, not just with the couple, but with the entire group of people there, we can’t help but feel a heightened emotional state at the same time.
 It’s all very dramatic. It’s like the Oscars, or a movie. We feel vulnerable, because when we see people doing this thing, we think about where we are in life, too. And maybe we don’t measure up. It’s very hard to ever feel like you’ve done it, you’ve got there, you’re great now, there’s nothing more in life you want.
 People getting married feel the same way. Getting married doesn’t suddenly mean you’re there, everything you’ve ever wanted has been achieved. You keep wanting things, you keep achieving. You’re vulnerable as humans because you have desires and emotions and you’re living life, and life is complicated.

This is definitely true. Looking around the room that night, I was pretty proud of what all of us achieved. We finished college, we have jobs, we've moved cities multiple times, we've gone through some pretty tough stuff.

And yet, at the end of the night, we're all still together and we're still celebrating each other's achievements.

That's pretty cool, if you ask me.

Weird and awkward.

I would not describe myself as a girly person.

I like glitter, I like shopping, I love purses, make up, and other girly things, but I’m just not that girly.

Wedding planning and everything involved in the process is very girly.

It started a few months ago when we were trying on dresses. There aren’t mirrors in those little dressing rooms. One of the dresses we tried on had several layers, and I could tell that one of the layers in my dress was messed up.

Without a mirror and without being able to move, there wasn’t much I could do to fix the problem. I called the bride into the room and asked for help. She dove down in the layers in my dress and started tugging and pulling them into place.

Um, my friend is up my dress. Not that I care, I mean, I don’t. It’s just weird to have your friend all up in your dress.

That was the first time I learned that this wedding stuff is not for the faint of heart. Things like this happened multiple times along the way.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining about it, because that’s not my intention. Looking back, all the awkwardness is kind of funny now.

Another really awkward, really girly thing was the nail appointment a couple days before the wedding.

I’ve gotten my nails done professionally once. It was a fast thing, a basic manicure, nothing to write home about.

Everyone in the wedding party this time around got a gel manicure (I think, anyway). I’m not going to lie, they could have given me the crappiest manicure ever, as long as there was glitter on my body I would have been happy.

I didn’t realize how intense the appointment would be.

First, they cut off your cuticles, which basically made me feel like a person who has never, ever had a haircut.

I didn’t even know cutting that much off of my fingernails was possible.

There were more steps involved after that. Dip your fingers in hot water, dude said, then stick them under a hot light, and then do more uncomfortable stuff. (Am I the only one who thinks this is a little weird and kind of hurts? I never asked anyone, but I wondered that the entire time.)

I just remember the appointment was really long, and I couldn’t really face the rest of the wedding party or talk to them.

That leaves me facing a total stranger who is basically holding my hands the entire time.

Weird.

This dude I’ve never seen in my life is right up in my face, in my bubble, I don’t know how long I’ll be here and I don’t know whether I should be nice and talk to him, ignore him, or look away.

The weirdness just got weirder.

After the manicure was over and my nails were awesome and glittery, I noticed that my hands felt dry.

He mentioned he’d put lotion on my hands. Okay, that works. What I wasn’t expecting was a massage on each arm, up to the elbows.

Dude? I just wanted lotion on my hands. Stop it and get out of my bubble.

I’ve never gotten a gel manicure and I definitely don’t regret it. They look pretty awesome and they’ve lasted much longer than regular polish.

I wasn’t expecting a total stranger all up in my face, massaging my arms and just being so…there the entire time.

The fact that I’m an introvert explains a lot, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Even more disturbing, there was a woman getting a pedicure while we were getting manicures. I swear someone massaged her legs the entire time I was getting my nails done.

Am I the only one who thinks that’s creepy? Is this actually relaxing to some women?

I’m all for getting massages. I had one earlier this year and it was wonderful. In my mind, if you want a massage, you need to go get one and not go to a nail salon.

But hey, what do I know about life.

I had fun throughout all of this, and I’m grateful I got to be a part of my best friend’s wedding day.

However, I can’t imagine doing this on a regular basis for fun. This wedding stuff is a lot of work.

Baby moments

There were a lot of great wedding moments that I don’t want to forget from the weekend. Today I'm going to talk about the baby moments.

I peeked out from the room the bride and the bridesmaids were getting ready in, and I saw my family in the crowd. I immediately noticed that my nieces were wearing cute headbands with flowers on them.

Aw! Baby headbands and baby flowers!

I melted into a big pile of mush. I'm going to buy these kids anything they want when they're older. Don't tell them I said that.

In no particular order, my other favorite baby moments include:

•             I rocked one of my nieces to sleep during the song Cotton Eye Joe. This makes me smile, because everyone knows that's the most soothing song in the world. Ha, ha.
•          I looked at my parents during the ceremony, and the word sour best described the look on their faces. My first thought was, well, shit, I guess they don’t like my dress. When the photos were done after the ceremony, I asked them what was going on. They were making faces because the babies were farting and stinking up their section of seats. I specifically told the bride the babies would fart and cry at her wedding. As usual, I was right. This also makes me smile. Silly babies.
•             I went up and told the babies hi after the wedding. I looked pretty different, with my hair curled and different make up on. They looked at me and smiled. They're very smart babies.
•          The babies also liked watching the kids play, they liked looking at the lights during the dance, and they watched people dance. I told them that maybe next year they’d be big enough to play and dance.

Dance like an idiot.

I’ve been thinking over the past few days about what my favorite moment of the wedding was.

I think I have an answer. The dinner was good, the grand march was fun, the song that tells you to hop might be my favorite thing in the history of things, and seeing the first dance was cool.

The best man and maid of honor speeches were some of the best I’ve heard, too.

But none of those things were my favorite things.

I think my favorite thing was not paying attention to my phone. There were no selfies, no Facebook status updates, and no photos of the beautiful bride and I after the ceremony.

Phones are great, photos are great, yes, but I don’t think they should play a part in a wedding. Weddings are for being happy, making memories, and being around people you’ve known your entire life.

If anyone wants my excellent advice for attending weddings or being a part of a wedding party, it’s this: put your phone away, have a drink, and dance like an idiot.

That was my favorite part.

There’s also a pretty awesome lyric in the song Mambo No. 5: A little bit of Monica in my life.

My wedding hair.

You can't do that!

I spent part of last night at bff's house. In between wine drinking and her dog sitting on me (and farting on me), I helped her out with some wedding planning details.

The wedding is a week away.

:)

Anyway, we were Google-ing Bible verses to use during the ceremony (how 21st Century of us). This in itself is tricky, because you want the Bible verse to be perfect, modern, and you want it to mean something.

I came across one that was acceptable. It was pretty long, a few sentences, and there was a sentence in the middle of it that wasn't ideal.

I told bff that she could use that verse, but cut the middle sentence out. It's her wedding, after all, and she should do whatever she wants to do.

That didn't go over so well. You can't edit the Bible, she told me.

Yes, you can edit the Bible. It's your wedding, do whatever you want. No one will notice if that sentence is missing, I said.

Her: It's the Bible! You can't edit it!

Laughs were had all around while we discussed the topic. In the end, she won, and I did not edit the Bible and she decided to use another verse.

After we finished off a glass of wine on her front porch, she said something that made me laugh.

"This is a good story for your blog."

I agree, bff. I agree.

Phase of life

Back in November I made a visit to my alma mater. I was in Wichita picking up a bridesmaid dress, and my old stopping grounds are within driving distance.

My former boss said something that day that stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing here, but it was something along the lines of: “Each phase of your life is better than the last.”

I have to agree with that.

After high school, I knew I’d go to college. After college, I knew I’d get a job. After I got that job, I knew I wanted another job. After that job, well, you get the point.

I never realized that all of the dots eventually connect and lead to something bigger and better down the road.

No one told me what that road would be like 10 years ago. No one told me what it feels like to hold your nieces. On a related note, no one told me that when you burp them, you better turn their head away from your face.

Take my advice on that one.

Also, no one told me what it would feel like to see one of your childhood friends – your best childhood friend of more than 20 years – in a wedding dress.

Yes, I should have expected all of those things to happen. People grow up and move on to bigger and better things all the time. These are the little things that I wanted to be a part of when I moved back to my hometown.

I’m happy that I get to be a part of these people’s lives.

It’s true. Each phase of your life is better than the last one.