Hallelujah

Earlier this year, I found myself in the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in downtown Nashville, Tennessee. On the first level of the building there is a fountain that people toss coins into. 

Back in June, I sat on the edge of that fountain and I looked at all the coins that had been tossed into the water. I people watched for a while, appreciating the audacity of women who wear shorts and cowboy boots, and then I wondered whether I should throw a coin in and make a wish. 

So that's what I did. I reached into my purse, pulled out a penny, made a wish and then watched my penny sink to the bottom, surrounded by other people's wishes. I even took a picture after I threw my penny in.

(Afterwards, a woman came up to me and offered me a free concert ticket for later that morning. Why? Because Nashville is Nashville.)

I'm not sure if you're supposed to disclose what you wish for in this kind of situation. I can say that at that point, early in the summer, I wasn't in the greatest spot in life. It wasn't the worst spot, either, but I was unhappy and I was wanting some things to change. I went on that Nashville trip specifically to get out of town, think about the future, and think about where to go and what would make me happy.

I'm glad to report that today, the second to last day of 2023, the wish that I wished for that day in Nashville came true. In fact, it came true later in the summer.

I've been very quiet on this here blog for the past six months. I didn't blog at all about that Nashville trip and I kept quiet about moving a couple of hours away to the largest city in my state. (Not Kansas City, silly. That's in Missouri.) 

On the plane to Nashville that day in June, the flight attendant made an announcement that I wrote into my phone: "Welcome to Nashville, where all of your wildest dreams can come true."

Also written down in my phone: "There are tons of airlines to choose from, and we're grateful you can't afford any of them."

Anyway, I tried to blog about that trip over the summer, but I literally couldn't do it. I sat down several times and tried to force something, but the words just didn't come out.

How can I go to Nashville and not write about it? How can I go to such a beautiful city and just ignore it on my blog?

I understand now why I couldn't write about it six months ago. I asked life for a change, and then I needed to be patient while life changed.

Back to that whole moving thing: I now live in a city. I love cities! I went to a Pentatonix concert last week and they sang my favorite song of theirs, Thank You, right in front of me and in front of 15,000 of my closest friends.

Watch the snow fall down like me sometimes
But you pick me up and then pick me up again
Like the winter leaves I can't survive
Without your light

Thank you for your smile
It's warmer than the fire
Your gentle laughter
Is sweeter than a choir
I'll never know
The right words to choose
So all I can say
Is thank you

I cried. The woman beside me hugged me. 

The encore, of course, was Hallelujah. I put my phone in my pocket, sang along to every word and didn't even try to stop the tears from running down my face. Any day you hear that song live is a pretty good day in my book.

So that's what 2023 was for me — it was a cold and broken Hallelujah. 

It was also a wish, a dream and a prayer, all of which came true. 

(Monica's note: I live in Kansas, not Nashville. I'm writing about Nashville now because sometimes stories come out months later, after they make sense.)

(Also, I met Eric Church this year. I could only say 'hi' and 'thank you' to him, but I'm pretty sure it was a mesmerizing 'hi' and 'thank you' for him. So there's that.)

I'm having a record year

I got a pretty cool email a couple weeks ago congratulating me for winning the lottery, and now I probably need to explain that.

I entered into a chance to attend a fan club party during CMA Fest in Nashville in June for my favorite country singer. I've never won a meet and greet before this, so I had little hopes of actually winning. In fact, after I put my name into the hat, in true Monica fashion, I forgot all about the hat and moved on with my life. 

I checked my email one Friday morning a couple weeks ago, and I had an email from that country singer's headquarters (I love those emails!) saying that I had won the lottery. If I can get to Nashville that day and want to, I'm invited to attend the fan club party. 

If you even have to ask me whose fan club party it is, I mean, do you really even know me at this point?

I'll give you a brief overview about my favorite things to write about, talk about, and my favorite things ever — music, traveling and Eric Church.

I became a fan of Eric's music after I listened to the song Record Year in the context of a break up. When I was 30, pretty much on my 30th birthday, I was ghosted by the guy I was dating. He eventually married the girl he cheated on me with. 

Who says chivalry is dead?

I had just bought a house, a house that was too big for just me, and I had nothing better to do than to sit in it at night, cry, and listen to music.

I was not a fan of Eric's music before that. But for whatever reason one night, in the midst of my first real heart break, I remember searching for the song Record Year on Spotify. I sat down and actually heard the words to it. 

I think music finds you when you need it. At that moment, I needed that song to get over my break up. I needed an album with no love songs on it. I wanted to listen to music, but I didn't want mushy songs about love. 

It turns out I needed the Mr. Misunderstood album. I needed a song about killing someone in New Orleans (I did what I had, I have no regrets/when you cross the line, you get what you get), I needed Mixed Drinks About Feelings (self explanatory), and I needed Holdin' My Own (also self explanatory). 

Also, I had a couple of three year olds in my life at the time (they're nine now), so the song Three Year Old was pretty fun to listen to.

I listened to Mr. Misunderstood over and over in my house that year, as loud as I could get my speakers. I ended up seeing the guy a couple of times over the summer that year at various events, once I was expecting and once I was not expecting. 

I walked back to my house after, locked my doors, and turned Mr. Misunderstood up as loud as I could. 

The whole neighborhood listened to Eric Church that afternoon. 

My parents came to my house afterward to check and see if I was okay (they were at the same event where the guy and his replacement for me were seated near us). To this day, I still remember the text message my mom sent me when I didn't hear the doorbell ring. 

"I hear Eric Church music playing, so I'm going to assume you're okay. Let us know if you need anything. Love you."

That's kind of been a theme of my life since. As long as there's Church music playing, I'm all right. 

The fact that my love for this man — Eric Church, not the other guy — started out of heart break is not lost on me. I've done some pretty cool things in the past few years since then, all because some dude I don't think about anymore broke my heart in to a million little pieces. 

I went to a concert in downtown Nashville, by myself, and was front row. I flew halfway across the country in December, my favorite month, where I fell in love with life all over again and went to two more concerts. 

I cried during Record Year while standing front row while holding hands with a stranger in Denver. I danced and sang and drank and had a great time with newfound friends in Washington D.C. 

I've traveled on planes, trains, and automobiles, sat in airports in big amazing cities and even sat in some mediocre cities. I've fallen in and out of love several times. 

I've learned just how capable I am at being alone and how capable I am at life. 

I'm doing fine.  

I can hold my own with the best of them. 

Concerts #17 and #18 are next month for me. I might not be an original fan who was there since day one, but I will remain loyal to that man (Eric Church, not the guy who cheated on me) for a very long time. 

Sometimes fans ask me if I wish I had been there at the start of his career. Do I regret missing it, they ask? 

My answer is always no. I think I found his music when I needed it most. 

One of my favorite blog posts I've ever written is called 'Damn it baby, dammit.' It's written with song lyrics to Eric Church's song It's Over When It's Over intertwined in it. It was written in September 2016, the night that I bought concert tickets for the first Eric Church concert I went to. 

I was heartbroken. I needed a break up song, I needed a musical leader and I needed a heartbreak anthem. 

I found it, and so much more.

Damn it baby, dammit. 

That first concert was the best concert I'd ever been to. I didn't think about the guy who broke my heart once. The next day I woke up and thought, I need another concert and I need it RIGHT NOW. One is not going to suffice. 

Can I get some more of that sweet happiness in my life? 

These Boots in Wichita, Kansas, in April 2017.

--

So I'm going to go to this party in Nashville because a boy broke my heart years ago. 

I don't think I'd have it any other way. 

In the words of someone I've seen in concert 16 times since then: If you find your way back, I owe you a beer for my record year. 

Beautiful

When I went to bed at 11 p.m. Monday night, everything was fine. When I woke up Tuesday morning, I found out that everything was not fine.

That kind of happens when disaster strikes, though. Everything tends to be fine until it's suddenly not.

So far, the death count is at 24 in Nashville and middle Tennessee after a tornado ripped through at 1 a.m.

I kept track of the news all day yesterday and today. I have no words, just teary eyes. 

Nashville, you're beautiful and I love you. And I'm very, very sorry.

Pain

You always told me that pain is a gift.

Your pain is a gift. My pain is just painful.

-Nashville

Nashville quotes

- You are not going to throw away the opportunity of a lifetime just because you got dumped.

- I know you think this is the end of the world, but it's not.

- Plan? There is no plan. I'm making this stuff up as I go.

- I want where I'm going to be better than where I came from.

- I need pointers on how to be spontaneous.
It's not that hard. You listen to what people tell you to do and do the opposite.

- You can't save people who don't want to be saved.

- In grief people do a lot of strange stuff.

- You are allowed to make mistakes in life. You are allowed to have feelings about that. You are allowed to stand up for yourself.

Feelings

I do have some feelings for him. They would be frustration, disappointment, and sometimes with the way he behaves, I even hate him a little bit.

-Nashville