Black widow baby

I could write about my terrible week, but I'm very aware of the fact that there are people out there who would love to have my bad days.

So instead of complaining, I'm just going to show you this picture.

Fyi, when I Googled black widow, Scarlett Johansson popped up. I wish Scarlett was in my garage instead of this little beauty. I didn't know they were around here!

ALSO, CAN I BURN MY GARAGE DOWN NOW? Just kidding...kind of.

After I saw this beautiful little shithead, I acted like any sane adult woman. I sent the picture to my parents and then called my Dad.

My text: Is that what I think it is?

My Dad's advice: "It probably won't kill you, but it will really, really hurt."

Thanks, Dad.

I was thinking last night as I was listening to the new TSwift music around a fire outside. I'm pretty sure this little beautiful deadly shithead spider is a metaphor for my life.

I originally took the photo because I thought the spider was beautiful. I didn't realize until a couple of hours later what it actually was.

Oftentimes, maybe all of the times, beautiful things can hurt.

There's a Carrie Underwood song that describes that perfectly.

"You're candy coated misery."

Stupid spider.

The problem with strippers...wood strippers, that is.

There are many things that can go wrong with house projects.

It started out as a fairly simple task: To use paint stripper to remove the rest of the paint from my wood floor.

The fact that I have to do this to begin with is stupid.

Who paints a wood floor green and white, again?

Sigh.

Anyway, the first problem I encountered was removing the cap. HOW THE HELL DO YOU REMOVE THE CAP?

I Googled the problem, like any sane adult would. Dr. Google provided no help.

I sent the a photo of the cap to my Dad and BFF. Help me, I said.

BFF's husband helped by telling me to use pliers. My little pair of pink pliers did not do the trick, but I had a little laugh because I honestly thought they would work.

Then, I found this in my garage and decided to use it.

I don't even know what this is, or what it's called, but I'm pretty proud of myself for using it.

And ps, you have to take the plastic cap off first. When I was asking for help, I was actually wondering what the hell to do with the cap. A kitchen knife and about 30 minutes of thinking on my part finally did the trick.

But nowhere in the directions did it say TAKE THE PLASTIC PART OFF, YOU IDIOT.

This is why home improvement projects take so long for me. I literally run into problems before I even start.

Oh yeah, a ladder was holding up a really big board in that room. I moved the ladder, and that big board fell. Thankfully, it did not fall on me, but it could have, and I'm pretty sure it would have knocked me out and my dogs would have had to cannibalize my body just to stay alive.

I worry about things like that.

Also, my container of wood stripper was on the floor, right in the board's path. It could have splashed all over me, but the board fell onto an adjacent wall instead of flat on the ground.

I don't know if that would have killed me, but it probably would have hurt. Another ps, getting that stuff on your skin hurts.

You should wear protective clothing at all times.

Stuff you need vs. stuff you don't need

My kitchen and my life are slowly looking like normal again.

Last night, I moved my jars of sugar, flour, and brown sugar to the kitchen counter top. They had been sitting on a chair in my dining room for the past week.

The curtains were actually hung in the kitchen, instead of sitting on my couch.

The cabinet doors are not on yet. It turns out, paint doesn't dry particularly fast on days when it's 50 degrees out, 80 percent humidity and rainy.

That means that for the next few days, I will be able to see every single thing in my cabinets. My silverware, wooden spoons and other utensils are sitting in a cardboard box in the middle of my kitchen.

But let's talk about the glass jars that I've collected over the past year.

I knew I had a glass jar hoarding problem, but I didn't realize how bad it was until this week.

I had two large grocery bags full of glass jars, only I didn't have them stored in one spot. They were in a cabinet here, a cabinet there, and underneath the sink. Some were in the bathroom.

I thought of using them as center pieces. For what exactly, I'm not sure. But they were pretty! They were interesting shapes! And, I was going to re-use them and change the planet by not throwing them away!

I thought I'd get on Pinterest and find a use for them.

I'm happy to report that I did find a use for them. Yesterday, I took them to the recycling center.

I do not need two grocery bags full of empty glass jars. What I do need is more kitchen storage space and less junk.

That space will probably be used for something more practical, like storing canning jars that I can actually use.

Tomorrow night's low is 33. I've got tomatoes to pick, freeze, and can eventually.

Having however many empty glass jars from store bought products will not help me can. What will help me is watching an episode of Hoarders and realizing that I have to get my life together.

(Ps, all is well and normal in the stomach/colon/intestines front. I downed pizza last night for dinner. I might have even had a piece for breakfast this morning. I love food. Not being able to eat solid food is not a problem I want to ever have in my life again.)

I do need to go through my kitchen and find more items to donate...like the cat butt keyring holder I took off my kitchen cabinets.

It didn't make the cut.