'Rona diaries, part 2

The cruel part of this disease is that there are a lot of unknowns. I don't know when I was exposed to it, I don't know who I came in contact with that had it and I'm not even certain what day my symptoms started. 

I do know what day I tested positive, so I know that that counts as day one. Or maybe that's considered day zero? I'm not even sure about that. Does it even matter at this point?

So far I know that this disease is cruel. If my early symptoms were considered mild, and if this is what it feels fully vaccinated and boosted, then I understand why millions have died of this over the past 2.5 years.

The pain is horrible.

In the thick of it, I wondered a lot if it was the worst pain I've ever felt. In the middle of my coughing fits the other night, I didn't come up with an answer on whether COVID is more painful than the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

I could sugar coat it, not tell anyone about, and I could just keep my mouth shut. 

I'm not going to.

The pain that night felt like the worst altitude sickness that I've ever had. Every single inch of my body hurt. It hurt to move.

On top of that pain, it felt like every single tooth in my mouth was abscessed and needed a root canal. I actually looked at my back teeth to see if they were cracked. 

And on top on that, it felt like I had an ear infection in both ears. 

The pain was that bad. 

I didn't sleep that night. I finally slept a little when light started coming in my windows the next morning. 

There's medicine that you can take to lesson your symptoms, and on my second day of symptoms, I made a call to my doctor's office to see if I could get it. I figured I'd need all the help I can get.

I started on that medicine 24 hours ago, and the difference I feel is night and day. 

I'm functional today. I feel pretty normal, and I feel pretty good.

It seems crazy to me that one day I felt terrible and the next day I'm looking forward to the day I can leave my house and be normal again.

--

The medication has several side effects, one being an altered sense of taste. I can still taste and smell, and I really, really wish that wasn't the case.

Compared to my pain problem earlier this week, this is not an actual problem, just something slightly irritating that absolutely won't matter in the grand scheme of things.

My current problem is that almost everything tastes like soap, metal or sand.  

Ice water tastes like soap. Iced tea? Soap. 

Banana? Sand. 

Chocolate? Kind of like chocolate, with a squirt of a Dawn aftertaste.

Macaroni salad? Metal. 

The only thing that tastes decent is Gatorade, and I am downing that like crazy.

I'll take this problem over my previous problems this week, hands down. 

--

I've also gotten an inside look at what my dogs do all day, which is nothing. Haha. 

The 'Rona diaries, part 1

July 12 — Covid detention day one

 

They say all great empires fall. This great empire, who has seen a bunch of stuff in the last 2.5 years, finally fell on July 12, 2022, with a positive COVID-19 diagnosis.

 

Who finally gets COVID-19 for the first time in 2022?

 

This girl.

 

This is going to be my ‘Rona diary, and I’m going to publish it after I get out of detention. Or maybe before. I don't really have a plan, here. 

Being an adult is kind of like taking a bunch of important papers, arranged in order, throwing them up in the air, and then giving up and just walking out of the the room and leaving the mess on the floor.

 

This morning I woke up with a low-grade fever and a deep cough, two things which absolutely are not normal for me.

 

I took a test and waited around for the results. I was dressed and ready for work, and did a full face of make up.

 

And then I went home, told my dogs they had a ‘Rona mama, and then we set about doing absolutely nothing for the next few days.

 

It’s really hard to do nothing when society tells you to be doing something constantly. I moved a week ago and don’t have internet yet. I did order it, and I will cherish the hell out of it when I can finally find a binge-worthy show.

 

Until then, I’m going to move slowly around and see what I can get done in my new house. I unpacked some boxes, found my old iPods, and I’m in the middle of charging all of them up.

 

I still have the first-ever iPod that was released, plus two other ones (including an iPod Touch, which was so REVOLUATIONARY at the time). I’m looking forward to exploring my music before I discovered who I really love in life, whose last name rhymes with smurch.

I got a CNN notification on my phone, with this story: It's time to start paying more attention to COVID-19 again. 

I read that story standing in my kitchen. The exact thought in my head when I read that story while suffering from COVID: Thanks, captain obvious.

 

Key factors from ‘Rona detention, day one:

-       My friends are going to get a lot of TikToks from me this week.

-       Internet is important.

-       This is why I don’t like planning ahead. Why bother?

-       Instacart is the best thing ever. (Contactless, of course.)

Quote

 

On life

Garden City, Kansas, is currently 790 miles away from me. It was my first job out of college, and a place that I lived for 2.5 years.

It’s near the site of the events that happened in the book In Cold Blood, written by Truman Capote, and he had Harper Lee, who wrote To Kill A Mockingbird, there with him, too.

I am watching the movie Capote in a hotel room 790 miles away. 

Today, I laughed so hard I cried. I traveled to three new states and I met and took in new people and new sights.

Today I saw a glimpse of who I will be in the future, and I like that person a lot. Realizing that for the first time is powerful. 

To quote someone I met tonight: “Oh my God, I almost married that dumbass.”

🤣

Love when you are ready not when you are lonely.

I stole this from LinkedIn, and I like the message here.

Dating because you're lonely isn't a good enough reason to date. Trust me.

--

Being single is not going to kill you & being in a relationship is not going to heal you.

Unfortunately, people get into relationships without knowing what they are looking for and claim that, “it just happened!”

This could be one of the many reasons why there are many broken or unhealthy relationships.

Many of our problems are created because we do not set boundaries for ourselves; we quickly respond with a yes, when in fact, we meant to say no.

What people say they want compared to what they naturally respond to end up being two different things.

Until you get comfortable with knowing why you want what you want, you will never know if you are choosing something out of love or neediness.

A healthy relationship is when two people come together to meet each other's needs, to share a completeness and to create beautiful memories!

You do not need someone to complete you; you are whole all by yourself.

“A healthy relationship is the result of two people sharing their completeness, not completing each other."

It is not our job to change people we love to what we think they should be, but it is our job to recognize when a relationship is toxic and requires us to walk away from it.

Before you jump into a new relationship, before you are defined by someone else, take the time to define who you are first. 

Love when you are ready not when you are lonely.

Wing and a prayer.

I’m all about talking about the not so pretty side of life. Let’s talk about how life doesn’t always go as planned and how you end up in interesting situations sometimes.

Last year, I was worried about selling my house, moving across the state and starting a new job. Last night, my major life problem was trying not to moon the good people of Kansas City.

I’ll take this year’s problems over last year’s problems, hands down, no contest, please and thank you.

—

The first Wednesday of the month is always my favorite day of the month. I go to Nearby Big City to attend a poetry competition. I've only read at said competition once, but I like going every month to see what everyone else is writing. (Hint: They're all better than I am, and I like that.)

I got there a bit early and ate at one of my favorite restaurants. I had 1.5 waters and a mango lassi. (Please remember this part of the story and take notes. It's important. There will be a quiz later.)

I got to the poetry competition place and I forgot something in my car. I walked back to get it, and as I sat down in my car, I felt and heard a very loud rip.

Oh noes.

I know what that sound is — it’s the sound of my pants peacing out for the night and for the rest of their life. There will officially be a funeral for those pants, because they are not coming back to life.

I split my pants in Kansas City, guys.

I was initially really happy about this, because introverts love excuses to skip social events.

Once I drove away, I realized I had a major problem on my hands. I had 2.5 drinks at dinner (non-alcoholic, mind you) and now I have to figure out a way to stop at a gas station without getting charged with indecent exposure.

I never thought I would write a sentence like that, but here we are. It's time to put my adult pants on, which are so ripped that I can't even explain how ripped they are, and figure this problem out on my own. (Calling Mom and Dad about this problem is not acceptable, I decided. They are 300+ miles away and probably playing Scrabble and don't care.)

It’s June. Although it’s been cool out, I did not bring a winter coat or an extra pair of clothes, which are things that I usually keep in my car in the winter.

And my giant purse, which would cover my backside, was in my trunk.

I ran through a few scenarios in my head:

• Find a secluded back road, which is not my style.
• Wait 1.5 hours until I got home, which was not possible.
• Pull over at a gas station and just figure something out when I got there. Wing and a prayer it, if you will.
• Rip up a reusable grocery bag, with no scissors, and wrap that around my waist —not the most feasible of options.
• Call someone I know in Kansas City and ask for help. I don’t know anyone in Kansas City. 🤦‍♂️
• Call a clothing store and beg an employee to bring me a jacket outside so I could go inside, which would likely land me in a psych ward. Who begs for a jacket in June?

I went with the third option, the pulling over at the nearest gas station and just figuring it out. I parked at the back of the gas station, found an old coat that did not fit in my trunk, held it around my waist and then strolled into the building like I owned the place.

When your biggest life problem is trying to not moon Kansas City, I think that means life turned out all right.

I usually do pretty good in stressful situations, and then freak out when everything is nice and normal afterwards. I also feel the need to say that I don’t wear those pants that often because they’re baggy on me, and very distressed.

Well, they’re a little more distressed now, I guess.

🤷

I'm having a record year.

The Gather Again Tour ended last night in New York City.

After every tour, I set a goal for the next one. In 2017, I wanted to go to Nashville. In 2019, I went. In 2019, I wanted Washington D.C., after talking to fans and having many, many of them tell me that I should go check out The Anthem if I was ever able to get there.

In December 2021, I went, by myself. 

I drove to the Kansas City airport, and almost chickened out when I hit the parking lot. I figured I could go back to my little town, hide out for a few days, and just lie and tell people I went.

I did not chicken out, though. 

I planned that trip pretty carefully, more carefully than I've planned any trip before. Flying across the country alone requires some advance thought, like not drinking much and being able to keep yourself alive through it.

I did drink, and I do not regret it.

I loved D.C. I love that I went by myself, I love that I walked around the listened to music, and I love that I saw that beautiful city in December, my favorite month of the year. 

--

The first show post-pandemic was in Durant, Oklahoma, in June 2021. 

I was supposed to buy a house that morning. I arranged dog care, and figured I'd sign the paperwork and be out of town at noon.

Life did not work out that way. 

I got to Durant at 8:25 p.m., and the first show in 18 months started at 8:30 p.m.

What followed that day was probably one of the worst things that happened to me, but what also followed those days were eight more concerts, seven of which were Eric Church shows. 

There's good and bad in life, and sometimes, you get to experience both of those things at the same time.

Wyoming was next on the concert list, two weeks after I injured my knee and could barely walk.

I stood in the pit line, in excruciating pain, all right, and then hobbled back to my car afterward. There was a new statue at Cheyenne Frontier Days of Chris LeDoux, a man I loved since my childhood.

I did not go see it, because I couldn't walk that far. 

I bought these tickets before my knee injury and before I got really sick. I wasn't even sure going to the rest of the shows was doable for me.

We worked through it, my body and I, along with doctors and a surgeon and other people, too. 

Not traveling is not an option in my world.

--

And then there's Denver, where Monica from Kansas and Ashley from Church happened.

All I wanted at that show was someone to share this with. A friend, family member, lover, whatever. I would have been happy if anyone had been by my side.

It turns out that you can let new people in to experience that.

Denver was the first time that I experienced the front row and waiting outside in the pit line. They were my people. 

And then there's D.C. 

Do we even need to talk about how much I loved D.C.? No, I think my love for that city speaks for itself. 

And then there's Kansas City, the best show of the tour, and Tulsa and then St. Louis. 

It was a record year.

--

Traveling sometimes comes with perils.

I hit a pothole in Missouri that led to two new tires. I smoked my brakes in Colorado and had to get them replaced, which was the first time that's ever happened to me — usually I get them replace a couple of weeks after I return to Kansas.

Oops.

It turns out that what I spent the last year doing now has a name — revenge travel.

From this website: "With these travel thoughts come extensive price tags as well as stacked vacations, as 2021 might just be the year where travelers extend their time away from home by one, two, or even three weeks or more as they get 'revenge' on all the ways that 2020 stripped them of a normal vacation."

Not only did 2020 strip me of a normal vacation, it stripped me of everything, ever. Don't even get me started of everything I lost because of 2020. 

(I lost everything I didn't need.)

Revenge travel is a thing, and I did it eight times in the past 11 months.

So here we are, halfway through 2022. We're starting over. Why am I starting over at 37 years old?

Because shit happens and sometimes you have to move, change, start over and move on, all at once.

Change is hard, but it's easier and better than staying where you're at.

--

Jojo deserves her own photo. 💛

The Gather Again Tour was about healing. It was also about letting go, moving on, meeting new people and experiencing new places. 

It was early morning airport visits, prioritizing myself, drinking with newfound friends, seeing new things and sitting on a rooftop bar in a huge city drinking with those newfound friends.

And sitting on a park bench in D.C., listening to the 10 minute version of All Too Well and deleting the past.

It's gone.

In a word, the Gather Again Tour was perfect.

Perfect.

--

My goal for the next tour is New York City. 

Washington, D.C. was a test to see if I could do a big city by myself. 

I nailed it.

Eventually, I'll get to NYC, a place I dreamed about my whole life and wanted to live in very much when I was younger. 

I know it's possible, and I'll get there, eventually. 

I always do.

I'm having a record year.