Those I’ve Loved

There’s a song that always hits me in the emotions at concerts. As soon as I hear the first few chords, I know the tears are going to come soon.

That song is Those I’ve Loved. 

The song has the word ‘Denver’ in it, so I expect to hear it Colorado. I was not emotionally prepared to hear it in St. Louis. It punched me in the feelings. 

The song goes ‘I wouldn’t be who I am today if not for those I’ve loved along the way.’

At the concert, I started bawling. I don’t cry much anymore, if ever. For the past couple of years, I’ve struggled so much with anxiety, depression and PTSD and the crying factory has closed since then.

On Saturday night, I thought about the guy who I thought was going to propose on Christmas Eve one year. We danced and cooked in my kitchen and drank wine. I thought buddy, this moment is perfect and you are perfect and I hope that ring in your pocket is perfect, too.

We broke up two days later.

I thought about the guy who married the girl he cheated on me with. And then I thought about the guy whose family was fantastic but we just weren’t right for each other.

Part of the song: “I don’t regret the day that she became one of those I’ve loved along the way.”

And now I’m crying. 

When I hear that song I think about people I’ve fought with and fired from my life. I think about my family, people who used to be friends and a ton of other people, too.

I didn’t even try to wipe the tears away at the concert. Emotions, feelings and grief are weird and they have a way of showing up during happy moments sometimes. 

So one February night in St. Louis, I just let the tears fall. Getting emotions out, finally, is healthy. 

I think. 

The song: “She was my best friend, and it broke my heart the day that she became one of those I’ve loved along the way.”

I’m going to go cry now. 

Chiefy.

I haven’t posted on this here blog for a long time.

One day I might tell that story. Until then, I want to talk about my boy dog, Chief, aka Chiefy, aka Chiefo or sometimes butthole or sometimes something worse.

I’ve had Chiefy almost two years. It is not an understatement to say that he is the boy Pug of my dreams. 

He’s a good man, a handsome man, a good kisser and a good listener. He likes belly rubs, supper time, bones and chewies, his toy cupcakes and he has a special toy monkey that he humps every night before bed.

Weird? Yeah. But you get used to a Pug humping his monkey eventually. 

After I lost Penny I wasn’t sure if I would survive without her. I never imagined life without her. And then I met Chief, our souls vibed and he walked into my life 1.5 weeks after I put my soul dog down.

My favorite thing about him is what he did for his older sister Pickles. Chief taught Pickles how to be a Pug. He taught her how to dog.

For the first six months Pickles ignored her brother and pretended like he didn’t exist. But she watched everything he did and mimicked his behavior.

Chief is on the couch? Pickles is on the couch. Chief got into something he shouldn’t have? Pickles is there beside him.

Chief barks? Pickles barks.

For most of Pickles’ life, she was raised in my home, which was kind of like a senior citizen retirement home for Pugs. Pickles hung out with her two besties, and they didn’t do a whole lot in their elder years. 

Pickles grieved Penny hard. It was heartbreaking to see.

But then a giant monkey-humping boy walked into our lives.

Chief fixed his sister’s broken heart. Mine, too. 

Thanks for adopting us buddy. We love our big linebacker boy. 😍

Life lately.

January 2026 was exactly 732 days long. I had surgery, was scared out of my mind for it, and then spent a couple of weeks only able to use one hand. 

And then came a sweet reprieve - a new month for a new start and new beginnings.

On the first day of February, I heard a sound. What the hell?

I took the photo below from my balcony, after I watched the driver crawl out of the car window and walk away barefoot.

My neighbor cut her seatbelt with scissors I tossed down to him. My neighbor also asked me for paper towels, but I don’t buy those so I tossed him a roll of toilet paper. 

Also, I called 911 right away.

Happy February to you and yours from me and mine. Life is a lot like a box of chocolates and sometimes you look out your window to a luxury car upside down.